I have spent some time reading through the forum and realise what I am going through is not nearly as challenging as what so many other carers are facing, so thank you to everyone who shares their story.
I thought I would share my story in case it may help or someone in a similar situation may have some advice to offer.
Earlier this year my gorgeous, kind, loving teenage son changed to an aggressive, manic, obsessive person. It started with a few sparks but really escalated one day when he swore at me and called me names before going to see his father.
I will call my son C rather than "my son" every time.
C has never spent time with his father since our separation over 3 years ago. His dad pretty much left us and went into a private hospital to assist with what was called a "mood disorder" and gambling addiction. He has spent most of the past three years couch surfing. He would see C sporodically for a few hours at a time but often not for months at a time, eventually being diagnosed with bipolar (but I am sure there are other things in there too).
So C goes to see his dad for two hours and doesn't come home for a week. He blocked my calls, blocked any connection via social media and basically shut me out of his life. Extremely out of character and very scary. Once he came home he was aggressive and physically intimidating but never touched me...although I do have many walls with holes punched or kicked in them. It ended with a night with a total breakdown with threats of suicide and we ended up in the children's hospital with a psychitrist called in. She diagnosed a panic attack despite my questions about biopolar and I went to the GP for a referral to a private psychologist.
Suicidal ideation continued and one day the school psychologist (who I would not have been able to navigate through all this without) called me to say C had expressed suicidal tendancies at school. We eventually agreed that a psychiatrist was needed and luckily I managed to get into a great one who initially diagnosed C with depression and severe anxiety (he already had an anxiety diagnosis at 12) and put him on an antidepressant. That just made C more aggressive and at our next visit he was finally diagnosed with Bipolar spectrum and put on an epilepsy medication that is also for bipolar. That was the differentiator. He calmed right down and has only had one aggressive outburst since we got the dosage right. I have read everything I can get my hands on and C continues to see his psychologist fortnightly.
I have now moved him from his school to a tech/trade focused school as the pressure was just too much in a normal school setting (he also has ADHD) and this has also been the right move for him. he is a different boy and while I see signs of the bipolar and know we still have many challenges ahead I am glad for the early diagnosis and intervention.
The hard part for me is the "grief" for want of a better word. Knowing that my son has to live with this for the rest of his life and challenges he will face. Not knowing what that looks like. Will he turn to drugs and alcohol or gambling as his father did. Will he be a good honest person or a compulsive liar? Most of my fears are that he will turn out like his dad (a whole other story!!). I started seeing a psycholgist myself to help me with strategies on how to deal with all this and she pointed me toward these forums and I am so glad that she did. MI is not something the majority of people understand or want to. I have been told by many family and friends that I am just too soft on C. He knows what he is doing. He is choosing to act this way and I need to do everything different. I am lucky to also have some amazing and supportive friends but it isn't a nice feeling to know people think that I have failed as a parent.
Thank you for listening to my story. It definitely helps to get it out in a supportive environment. I would love to hear from anyone who has any advice or who has a similar story to tell.
xx
