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Borderline personality disorder

Hi 

I’m blackguppy Smiley Happy

So I have borderline personality disorder. I think the first time I was diagnosed the illness properly, after hearing it scattered throughout my late childhood, was when I was about 18. I never took the diagnosis seriously because it seemed to me that no one else did at the time and I knew what I was experiencing was a big deal. So I went with bipolar/regular depression depending on the day if I needed to explain myself. Still kinda do. People have no idea where to look when you drop BPD in a conversation. 

Fast forward, I’m 28 now and only just starting to work with my illness through education and self care. I managed to do a fair bit more damage to myself in that ten years by engaging in abusive and toxic relationships. Not to mention the family I had around me already before I mention those. So I was put on medication (antidepressants) when I was 13 by my mother. I am the scapegoat for both sides of my family so that’s fun too lol. Anyway, I have my own little girl now who means more than anything in the world to me and I don’t want to do what my parents did and pass on my issues to her, leaving her riddled with guilt and trauma to fix in her adult life. My daughter has ADHD too so it’s important I recover in a timely manner. 

 

Through my research I have found a routine that seems to work for most recovering borderlines ready to start making changes. It seems a good, regular therapist and Dialectal Behavioural Therapy sessions together plus medication can almost cure the illness. The problem I’m having is that there’s years long wait lists to go to DBT sessions in my area and next to nobody hosts them. I have a good therapist but the DBT is crucial too. Any suggestions? 

 

I’d also like to connect with other borderlines so I’m reaching out here. I honestly feel very alone and misunderstood 80% of the time and it’d be nice to chat to people who get it.

Blessings to all who got this far!

15 REPLIES 15

Re: Borderline personality disorder

Hi @blackguppy 

welcome to the forum. 😊

im sorrry you’re going through a tough time. 

I have BPD. I’m 53 and diagnosed only 9 yrs who. It’s tough. Yes DBT is a very effective treatment. I have done DBT a long time ago and was told I need to do it a second time to get the real benefit. 

I am unable to do it sgsin because of finances.

@Zoe7  is doing DBT. Hopefully she can explain a bit about DBT to you.  And also @outlander  

i csnt think of others at the moment. 

You sound like a really caring mum to your daughter. 

Happy to chst anytime. 

Oh by the way - have a look around the forum. There’s some great posts. You can also type in BPD on the search area and a list of topics about BPD will come up. 

Take care 

 

 

Re: Borderline personality disorder

Maybe talk to your therapist about beginning some of the DBt skills with you @blackguppy - especially if it is hard to get into a course in your area. There seems to be a rather long wait-list for DBT everywhere. It is well worth the time if you can get into a course though. If you have any questions about DBT then feel free to ask.

It seems like you are taking some very proactive steps to help yourself and that is commendable. 

As @BlueBay has said there are others here with BPD so have a look arouond the forum and some BPD related threads and you will be able to connect with others that also have BPD.

Welcome to the forum @blackguppy  Smiley Very Happy

Re: Borderline personality disorder

Thank you for replying so fast! @Zoe7 @BlueBay 

yeah the one near me didn’t even take my name just kinda told me to come back later. So it must be sought after! 

 

@BlueBay Do you feel a lot more healed or better able to cope now you’re a bit older? I am looking forward to being a bit more settled 

 

 

Re: Borderline personality disorder

Hi @blackguppy  no I’m not healed or anywhere close to it. 

Because I was only diagnosed 9 yrs ago while in my forties my behaviour and thoughts have been ingrained in me for a very long time, since my childhood. 

Also I was sexually abused as a child. I also suffer depression anxiety and ptsd. 

Im having long term psychology treatment. I need to learn to control my emotions when they are so high. It always takes a long time for the emotions to come  back  down to a normal level. Does that make sense? 

I was always told that if BPD is picked up early in life it’s then easier to learn the skills snd chsnge. I’m nit sure. I guess if you’re older your more set in thst pattern and behaviour that is part of the BPD. 

I’m currently in hospital because if my thoughts and behaviour of stopping my meds.  Not sure what will happen reg meds. 

Just a thought? - does your local hospital run DBT. I kniw there are a few private hospitals in Melbourne thst do DBT. Nit sure if you are from Melbourne. 

I kniw fir me it’s nit an easy fix. It is going to be a while. But of course all the learning takes lots of practise. 

 

Re: Borderline personality disorder

That seems like it certainly is hard to get into then @blackguppy  I was really lucky where I am because my pdoc got me in really quickly - it helped that the course was run out of the same facitlity that she is at and that they have regular meetings with pdocs and psychs. I was by no means prepared for it when it started and actually took me a few months to even talk at all - it was very overwhelming at first, It seems like you are in a much better headspace than I was and you would really benefit from DBT - maybe try to get your name put forward again and see where that takes you.

Re: Borderline personality disorder

@BlueBay Honestly pretty much the same on all counts. I’m battling the most with the anxiety at this stage, it’s crippling. I can say that once accepting the diagnosis and beginning to educate myself I did find it slightly easier to know some of the ‘why’ I act/have acted a certain way. I say slightly because being so self aware can pinch...  I’m still doing some of the behaviours I’m aware are toxic and need to change but I get scared because I lack the tools. I have witnessed accounts of people with  BPD (online/YouTubers) saying that intense therapy helped them to the point that they no longer meet the DSM.  I guess that’s why I’m hopeful

Re: Borderline personality disorder

I'm Qld based, the mental health system here is stretched @BlueBay 

Re: Borderline personality disorder

@Zoe7 Haha i just *seem* better. I know what I want I just slip up so much.   I might try ask around more of the hospitals as @BlueBay said... getting knocked back gets tiring. Finding the right therapy is tricky but worthwhile 

Re: Borderline personality disorder

I think it is great that you are even thinking about DBT @blackguppy  It is not an easy therapy to go through unless you are willing to put everything into it but it is worthwhile - especially if you get a great group where everyone is supportive of each other. I have been very lucky that the group at the moment is like that. We have had some particpants over the time that I have been doing the course that completely dominated discussions but the facilitator was good at bringing it back to the whole group. She is a very experienced psychologist in both individual and group therapy so that helps also. 

I am coming to the end of my second last module for the second time and I certainly have taken more away from it the second time around - but I am in a much better headspace to deal with it now too. 

I think it is very worthwhile you looking around for a course and at least seeing if you can put your name down for it in the future. It is such a shame that there are not more courses for people as it really is a great tool to help us deal better with our emotions.

I really hope you can at least get your name on a list and then in time get into a course.

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