20-05-2019 12:35 PM
I have never been a part of any forums but I’ve been told that now is a good time to seek support from others who know just what it’s like to be a carer.
My boyfriend of almost 5 years and I have lived together for 2 years. We both are 22 and are working towards our dream careers - mine is to be a child protection officer, for which I am a full time university psych-science student. His is to be a tattoo artist, for which requires a full time unpaid apprenticeship. As you can imagine, the financial stress of upkeeping a household by ourselves with barely enough income between the two of us was extremely hard. At the start of this year, the stress pushed my partner into his first experiences of psychosis. Neither of us understood, he didn’t have the words to explain what he was feeling, hearing or seeing.
Months later we now live with his mum, are trialling his third different anti-psychotic medication starting this week and are working cohesively with both a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist to work on treatment and management. The psychotherapist has started to work at the possible diagnosis of DID, while the psychiatrist has said Schizophrenia. But either way, I feel like the support and constant re-evaluation is healthy and I like that we are exploring all the options to see how we can get him back to living life as ‘normally’ as possible.
Beign so young, I find it hard to cope with the restrictions I feel like I have on my life now. I feel like I can’t have the adventurous and wild 20s I had envisioned, but also feel immense guilt about even suggesting that’s my partners fault.
I fear for the future we may have lost - marriage, children etc - and the relationship that was the envy of all my friends because we always balanced each other and took care of each other, now it is hard for him to be there for me at all. He feels like he is taking my life away from me, and there is no way I can explain to him that even though I’m having these feelings of loss, I by no means feel like he is taking my life away from me. I care about him more than anything.
I look forward to being a part of the forum to see how other people are dealing with these types of complex emotions, treatment and management tips, and I hope I’ll have something to contribute in return
20-05-2019 01:01 PM
Hi @Tictac and welcome!
It's awesome that you found our forum and are giving it a try 👍🏼 thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like you have been a wonderful support to your boyfriend throughout this journey. Also makes sense that you would be wrestling with emotions around what the future looks like and feeling the impacts of that anyone can have when seeing someone they love have a hard time. That feeling of expectations and what we think the future should look like can be overwhelming. You have spoken a lot about the supports in place for your boyfriend, I wondered what kind of supports you have in place for yourself? What do you do to take care of you?
I also thought I'd share that there is a Topic Tuesday event happening tonight on 'Defining your role as a carer' this is a live facilitated online forum event that starts at 7pm. Tonight we have a Youth Peer Ambassador as our special guest to talk to the community about the challenges of defining our caring role, with a particular emphasis on young carer's. You may like to check it out!
20-05-2019 01:37 PM - edited 20-05-2019 01:42 PM
Hi @Lauz, thank you for your response!
I did see on the SANE instagram the topic for tonight, it is actually what led me to join this forum! I will be getting invovled, thank you for the reccomendation.
I am admittedly finding it hard to put time aside to do things for myself, and I'm not really sure what that means either.
I try to reflect with friends I trust, I have been meaning to seek out a psycholgist but have been preoccupied.
My step mum was a carer for her disabled daughter before she passed, and she reccomended I try taking time out to do things like get my hair or nails done, but this feels superficial to me, and also like a waste of money considering we have such little income.
21-05-2019 08:55 PM
Welcome @Tictac, your step-mum is on the right track with the self-care, but it doesn't have to be about hair and nails, it could mean taking half an hour in the day to go on a walk, sit in the park and reconnect with yourself. Is there anything that you really like to do that makes you feel at ease and self-connected?
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