Lived Experience Forum

[survivingBPD]

Here is a little more about me and my battle with the stigma of Mental Illness and BPD.....

You may as well be saying the ‘F’ word when you mention “Mental Illness”. It doesn’t matter how many times you say it, how you say it, how loud you say it or what context you put it in. They are two words that come with a Stigma attached. But there are three words that I feel are even more stigmatised than mental Illness and these words are Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is not just stigmatised by the general public but by mental health clinicians themselves.

I have always been the type of person who over analyses and over exaggerates everything. What is small to someone else is quite often very large and very real to me. I always see people as better than myself. I have trouble accepting help or gifts from others as I see myself as unworthy.

I have lost friends, lost jobs and have been made to feel isolated because of this disorder. I didn’t ask for it nor did I want it, but I have it and have had to learn to live with it. I didn’t go to the doctors and say, “hey I want to be different, give me cool illness, one where I can feel good one day and bad the next”. “I want to feel so bad that I will wish that I was never born, so bad that one day I will even try to end my existence”.

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was about 46. I am about turn 49. I have been hospitalised numerous times, tried to end my life numerous times, but it wasn’t until I was seconds away from being successful with my last attempt that I finally got the help I needed. At the time I didn’t want to get help, I just wanted to end the pain.

I found that I only started to get any type of treatment is when I had a serious attempt at suicide, then they put me in a 12 week DBT course and expected me to be better and sent me on my way. Funny thing is 49 years of BPD isn’t going to get solved in 12 weeks. Really good if it did.

Most DBT courses are held during the day so if you are managing to hold a job for a short time there is no way of getting there. Tell your boss you have a mental illness and you will loose your job pretty quick.

Then there is the struggle of finding a psychologist who understands BPD and knows how to treat it. I have called psychologists and after they realise that they will be treating me for BPD, they suddenly have a waiting list of 6 months or want me to pay large amounts of money after the Medicare rebate.

I would love to give back and help others who suffer from mental illness and help to lessen the stigma. I have applied for a couple of Peer worker positions and have done really well at the interviews but often wonder if the mention of BPD was what held me back.

I have a good job at the moment but will keep looking for employment involving helping others with mental illness and will keep trying to stay in control of my disorder and not let my disorder take control of me.

[Shaz51]

hello @survivingBPD  and welcome to the forum

I see you have started a thread hich is a great idea

Remember you are not alone my friend

I have taged a couple of members for you @BlueBay  and @outlander , @Sans911 

[outlander]

hi @survivingBPD and welcome

I too have BPD and since being diagnosed with mental health issues have lost alot too, usually just by meantioning mental health so can understand how you might be feeling.

Perhaps contacting the BPD foundation and asking if they could help you as well mgiht be beneficial.
I was diagnosed with BPD amongst other things when i was 20 so only 2 years ago and was quite eye opening to realise that what i was experiencing isnt all that normal in the ways in which my emotions works (being contanlty overhwlmed etc) but has been helpful in reaching out for further support.
i hope you find the right supports too. its great your wanting to help and give back too

[Shaz51]

@survivingBPD, @outlander 

[survivingBPD]

Thank you @Shaz51 

[survivingBPD]

Thank you @outlander . It definately is a hard road. Glad to hear you have found the right supports. That is great 🙂

[outlander]

my bet support has been the forums @survivingBPD i haven had very stable other supports offline unfortunatly so lots is self taught and learnt through here.
i hope that youll be able to find good supports and be able to make those steps forward too

[Ali11]

Thank you for sharing your story @survivingBPD, reducing the stigma is a common goal that we all strive for and I think being here on the forum and talking to others (who may have a different illness) does that. While you are looking for positions within the health sector to help out, have you thought about continuing to participate here? I'm sure that there's plenty of people who would love support from someone with living experience.