Lived Experience Forum

[hazelhawk]

Hi everyone,
I'm brand new to this forum (only found it tonight) so I'm a bit nervous about my first post.
I want to reach out and share my story to see if anyone else has had a similar experience.
When I was 19 I had a brief episode of psychosis and was hospitalised for two weeks. I had been quite a party girl as a teenager, smoked a lot of marijuana, and had tried meth once and contributed my psychosis to this. After my hospitalisation, I worked really hard to change my lifestyle, I was compliant with my medication and the doctors were all very impressed with my recovery. They said if I stayed on the medication for five years, I had a 95% chance that I wouldn't ever have another episode of psychosis.
After four and a half years, I was in a really good place. I had completed a degree, was in a stable and loving relationship, working full-time and hadn't had any problems with my mental health. I no longer had a psychiatrist, and my GP thought it would be okay for me to stop the medication.
I was fine for twelve months, and then a year almost to the day of me stopping the medication, I again lost control of my thoughts. It started with insomnia and extreme anxiety, and then racing thoughts, beleifs that I was powerful, irrational beleifs and delusions. This time I was taken in an ambulance to the hospital after yelling at my neighbour and punching my poor loving husband in the face. I was again detained. The weeks after I returned home, my mania continued and then in the months after I had a bout of severe depression.
Through the support of my family, medication and again a diligent attitude towards healthy lifestyle choices, after a year and a half I have again been able to reach a place of 'recovery'. What I am still struggling with is that I have never been diagnosed with an illness. My psychiatrist who now says I only need to see him every six months says he is treating me for bipolar/schizoaffective disorder and I am on a combination of antipsychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilisers. Again I have managed to impress my doctors with my recovery and my GP says she has never seen anyone get so sick so quickly and then get better so quickly. She attributes it to me following all the advice that I have been given. My GP said she has read something interesting about cases like me where we don't fit with a certain diagnosis but may just have a tendency to have episodes of psychosis.
I have joined this forum in a hope to find people who may have had a similar experience with psychosis, and perhaps have never been formally diagnosed with a certain illness.
Also, I would like to share my experience as I truly believe recovery is possible even from the scariest corners of mental illness. I know others have suffered greater and for longer than I have, but I too have felt what its like to lose something that most people take for granted: your mind. And I know what has worked for me, so if it helps others to hear that, I am more than willing to share tips and advice.
Lastly, I still have bad days, and this seems like a supportive community that may help me through some of the darker moments.
Well, this is my first post and I would love to hear from you. Thanks for reading 🙂

[suzanne]

Hi @hazelhawk, welcome to the Forums!  I've very glad you found us.  Your first post is an amazing story and a very hopeful message for people who are experiencing psychosis.  You've clearly worked very hard to regain and maintain your mental health.  But I imagine that there would have been times when the symptoms returned that you and your loved ones were worried about your ability to recover again.  Our minds are extraordinary aren't they? 

I would imagine that there are lots of members who can relate to your experience from either a lived experience or carer perspective.  We did a Topic Tuesday on psychosis a while back (which you can read here) where can you see that your experiences are shared by quite a few of our members such as @kenny66, @Linmerc and @Shadow.

As you say, the Forums are a great place to share what you’ve experienced and learned and to draw on support when you’re not doing so well. I look forward to reading more of your story as you settle into our community.

[NikNik]

A big welcome to you @hazelhawk Thank you do much for generously sharing your story. It will definately help people feel less alone in their experiences. It's wonderful that you're back on track.

I love this image below about recovery. It reminds me that it's not always smooth sailing and as long as we pick ourselves up, our recovery will always get back on track.

I saw that you joined Friday Feast last week 🙂 I hope you enjoyed it. Look forward to 'seeing' you around the Forums.

Nik

[Appleblossom]

Welcome to the forum @hazelhawk

I dont think I have been properly diagnosed and I am pretty sure I have experienced a lot of periods of psychosis.  I also have been diligent about life style choices as an adult in the past 30 years.

Your positivity and clarity are good to read.

[Bec1985]

I really enjoyed your story thank you for sharing 

[SCORPION]

Thanks for sharing your story its a long path we are all on all with various twists.

You will find only understanding and support.  Just remember its not how often we fall as long as we always find it in ourselves to get back up.

Remember you come first.

Scorpion

[Former-Member]

Welcome @hazelhawk

Thank you for sharing your story. I had some mild psychosis in February when i was hospitalised. It was terrifying. But I'm not convinced if it was psychosis or PTSD... i dont know... The label probably doesnt matter as much as the way that i experienced it as being so horrible though.

@NikNik that illustration is so perfect for me... and i like that despite all the zig zags and circulating swirls of mess... there is still improvement up the page.. i just hope that my swirls are tending upwards and not stagnating over themselves in a darkening blob! 😄

LJ

[CherryBomb]

A big warm welcome to the Forums @hazelhawk. A big warm welcome to the Forums. I look forward to 'seeing' more of you on here.

Beautiful wise words about not giving up despite how tough things can get @SCORPION and @Former-Member.

[Bc2ast]

I've just come to this forum today. The RUOK stuff at work has awoken long dormant thoughts on my psychotic episodes. I've had 4 servere episodes and made full recovery going off medication myself. It's been 5 years since the last one and it started 20 years ago. First 2 a year apart, with a 10 year respite till the next. I had though it was all past. Smoked pot in early years and stopped for good 3 months before my first episode, briefly again before my second and not touch it in 20 years. The doctors said it was not a factor, just help it come on faster. Turns out its in my family. After my episode, stories about my grandfather back in the 1930's, Tasmania, came out. They locked him in a shed for a few weeks and it never happened again. Also now 2 cousins of mine are diagnosed schizophrenic. I have no formal diagnosis but one doctor has on file I have a " psychotic disorder" which has been useless and vague. 

I made the quickest recovery they seen from some of the most acute they had seen. Apparently. 

Oh. I have to go...

[Bc2ast]

So to continue...

Your story resonated somewhat. The symptoms of insomnia, etc are exactly the same as mine. That's my que, I have caught myself a few times and backed away from that line watching those symptoms.