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Something’s not right

AnonAutist
New Contributor

I feel like I’m worth more dead than alive

I'm not actively suicidal or in any immediate danger, but if I died from COVID-19 or something, I believe the net effect on the world would be positive. I feel guilty for thinking this, particularly in the current environment. But I really don't care if I live or die. I don't have any close friends/family to miss me (if I died at home, I probably wouldn't be found for months). I don't feel like I'm doing anything that has a positive impact on the world - my current 'job' is throwing a shot put, and that feels completely pointless. OTOH, I've accumulated a sizeable amount of superannuation over the years. And if I die, it all goes to charity. 

 

People have told me I have so much ahead of me (the shot put throwing job thingy probably has something to do with that). Maybe, but it all feels meaningless. I used to do a lot of volunteer work, but now you pretty much have to go through a job application process to volunteer anywhere, and I can't sell myself or provide referees. 

 

How do you do enough to make your ongoing existence feel like it has value?

5 REPLIES 5

Re: I feel like I’m worth more dead than alive

Hi @AnonAutist

 

Welcome to the SANE Forums.  It is great to see that you have reached out to the forums for help. 

 

It sounds like you are going through difficult times right now and I hope our forum members will be able to give you some comfort, support and helpful advice.

 

If at any point you are feeling actively suicidal and need immediate support, you can contact:

 

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

 

Take care,

Mika

 

Re: I feel like I’m worth more dead than alive

Hi @AnonAutist , welcome to the forums. Good on you for joining because it may not seem like it but that takes a lot of courage, which is a big step, so I'm proud of you, well done.

 

I'm very sorry to hear that you're struggling and you're feeling this way. Please don't think and feel this way, I understand how hard it is because I struggle with suicidal thoughts myself so I really get it. But that's just your mental health telling you the wrong, negative things and you shouldn't believe them, it's your mind playing tricks on you.

 

You're not better off dead, you're better alive, I know that you feel as though there's nothing good in your life and nothing to stay alive for but there is, good things come to those who wait as the saying goes. Trust me I really do understand how difficult it is and how hard it is to not do anything.

 

It's okay to feel the way you do, it's common, and your feelings are valid, even if you don't think so. It's okay not to be okay, but please seek help if you need it. These forums are a safe, friendly, caring, supportive place and you're always welcome here, and they're moderated 24/7 for peace of mind.

 

Please don't do anything and think this way, I'm really concerned for you and your safety and I'm worried about you.

 

If you ever need anyone to talk to or just someone to listen, I'm always here so please feel free to reach out to me anytime, anywhere on the forums, I'll always care and I'll do my best to support you, as will others here. You'll never get judged here, I promise.

 

People do love and care for you and want you to be here and alive, and safe. Including me. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me anytime, I'd rather that than you do something.

 

I'm thinking of you and I'm concerned, please be safe and take care of yourself. Take some time away to try and get your head straight so to speak if you need to, we'll still be here to support you. Remember, you're not alone and you never will be, this is common and lots of people feel this way. It's okay to feel the way you do.

 

Love and hugs to you if you want it.

Re: I feel like I’m worth more dead than alive

@AnonAutist are you okay? I'm worried about you!

Re: I feel like I’m worth more dead than alive

100% OK.

 

But worth a large amount dead, and pretty much zero alive, as far as I can tell. No matter who hard I try to come up with something not-useless about my existence, I can't. 

Re: I feel like I’m worth more dead than alive

Hey @AnonAutist , I never really know what to say the first time I comment on someone's post. But I kind of get but I am not even worth that much dead anyway. 

Know I am just a tag away if you want to chat 💖

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