Lived Experience Forum

[Agenderandproud]

Hi, my name's Dannie i'm agender and 21 years of age just have to say whoever reads this some stuff that i've written is disturbing. I was born as a boy. i was raised pretty much by my father for the first 10 years of my life as my mother was a cop 24/7 then studyed for a few years at night school to be a teacher, my relationship with her from age 10 til now isn't good and has been deteriorating more each year. Growing up with my dad around was horrible he did drugs, smoked/drank heavily, was always out at parties leaving me alone at home plus i was physically abused by him from age 6 to 15  for reasons that i still have no idea why even today which as a result left me with PTSD. I was diagnosed with mild Autism at the age of 3 from then til age 15 i had a countless number of speech therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists etc. School whether if it was primary or high was very traumatic had hardly any friends (only 1) i was bullied heavily and physically abused by teachers and students. From age 10 til now my life's been a misery i did drugs from age 10 to 21. I was an alcoholic for a while, i decided at one point that i had to go to rehab which did wonders and i've been off drugs and alcohol since then. But after wrecking my brain with the drugs and alcohol over that long period of time i've noticed that i hulicinate, can't walk properly (straight) and that i always make quiet random noises and talk to myself without thinking it. I'm also suicidal my last attempt was last month as a result i lost my relationship with my second family as soon as i told them, i always call helplines when i feel suicidal. Just to finish it off i've now got no friends and don't talk to my family at all

[Whitehawk]

Hi @Agenderandproud 

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here and thanks for telling the community a bit about yourself. You have shown great courage to share so much of your troubles. From what you wrote I am concerned that you may not be safe tonight. The fourms will not be able to help you if you are in a crisis. It is great that you use the help lines so if you need to call a help line tonight please try:

Lifeline 12 11 14

Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467

Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

The SANE Help Centre is also a great option from 10am to 10pm AEST, Monday to Friday, phone 1800 187 263

 Otherwise I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection. I'm the moderator on duty right now.   Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works  https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines. 

Take care.

Whitehawk

[Agenderandproud]

Thank you i'm good mentally wise right now, just currently listening to music as it always makes me happy.

[outlander]

hi @Agenderandproud and welcome

what a really tough upbringing youve had.

Can i ask if you have any supports in place? it would be really important especially since your noticing things like hallucinating and being suicidal as well.


please feel free to have a look around and join in where you like. a little forum tip also is to put an @ before a members name this way that member will be notified your talking to them.

[Agenderandproud]

@outlander I don't currently have any supports in place, i lost trust in psychologists and psychiatrists ages ago. Maybe one day my views will change but right now music always helps me mentally, whether if it's singing or just listening.

[outlander]

im glad that music and singing helps @Agenderandproud
have you considered joining an interest group like for music, playing instruments or singing? it might be a good way to help you mentally and also make some friends as well?

[Agenderandproud]

@outlander I used to do gigs locally when i was 10 years old just solo, i used to be in a few street harmony groups when i was 16/17 which i enjoyed but haven't thought about joining up with similar groups since then due to problems with my vocal cords.

[outlander]

There's usually some instrument groups @Agenderandproud your not always expected to sing . Its up to you though.

[Agenderandproud]

I always had a natural tenor from a young age i enrolled in choir at school and did well, i've tried learning to play the drums, guitar and the bass but it didn't work even years after training guess it didn't come natural to me

[Maggie]

@Agenderandproud  Another welcome from me.

You certainly have had a rough start in life, that’s for sure. You have done well to do what you have done. I hope life offers you an easier path, some light and enjoyment.

Its good to see you joining in here.