Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

[Former-Member]

We asked members what they would like to talk about for the next Topic Tuesday and here it is! Helping a loved one that doesn't want help. We will be talking about how to become better informed, managing frustrations and self care, support by listening and setting boundaries. 

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[Former-Member]

Hi everyone,

 @Gaye1 @Rainbow86 @Pat77 @Befreeforever @Jesper @Zorro @Beautifulday @Lookup @Former-Member @HayleyC @Kiddo @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Womble @Adge

Thanks for joining us tonight! This was a topic that was voted on recently by you, the community, to be discussed as a Topic Tuesday, so looking forward to getting into it. 

In our capacity as a carer or supporter of a loved one, we can often feel quite helpless, lost or even frustrated at times when our loved one doesn’t want help. We can see that they are struggling, we can see how they can be helped possibly, we can see that they need to access help. But the key here is that the other person has to want help. This quote from the thoughtcatalog article makes a strong point:

The missing piece is that the other person has to want help. You can’t force them to believe anything is wrong — wrong enough to warrant some major changes in their life. 1) Change is scary and 2) Admitting you have may have huge innate flaws is scary. 

Other reasons they may not want help:

• Scared
• Wanting to make decisions independently
• Denial
• Ashamed to accept your help

These are just a few thoughts. Before we delve into ways to help, I thought to get us started we could share what you feel it is that stops your loved one wanting help?

[DaisyMay]

Hi

I think all of the above apply with my 16 year daughter, also she is dealing with PTSD and is taking her anger out on me as her abuser was my ex-partner.  

[Shaz51]

all of the above apply with my Bipolar 2 husband @Former-Member

Hello @DaisyMay

[Former-Member]

Hi @Shaz51 

Welcome @DaisyMay - that sounds like a very tough position to be in. I am glad you have joined us tonight. I'll also be listing a few good resources at the end of this evening, so stick with us - some might be helpful for caring for a young person too. 

[HayleyC]

Hi Lauz,

In my experience with people (such as family and friends) they are scared of change - perhaps scared that if they do seek help it won't get better and then what do they do? A lot of people are also in some denial about how bad their mental health is, and will say things like 'it's not that bad', 'I'll be fine', or 'it'll get better' which can make it very difficult to help them get the proper help that they need.

When this happens, I find it very difficult to understand how to respond when they seem to not want help? I'm hoping tonight's forum might shed some light on how to better manage these situations.

[DaisyMay]

Hello Shaz51

As you can see I am new to this, I'm hoping it will provide some much needed support. 

[Kelly]

Hi 

My first time on a forum. I'm really struggling to help my son who has just been admitted to hospital for the third time this year! It's the same cycle for a few years now, admitted to hospital, discharged, telling all concerned that he will take his meds and of course he dosen't as he won't accept he has anything wrong with him. 

[Lizard]

the same with my 18 yr old son.

[Former-Member]

Welcome @HayleyC! Those kind of comments are so common aren't they? Simple words like 'I'm fine' when you know they are not fine can be difficult to come across. I hope you find some use out of what we discuss here tonight too