Topic Tuesday// Minds Together: Helping Family and Friends // Tuesday 30th May 2023 5:30-7PM AEST

[TideisTurning]

Secrets relating to suicide and suicide attempts I don't think are uncommon @Shaz51. The loved one of mine we lost to suicide swore a lot of those close to them to secrecy... Which to me, illustrates the importance of speaking out and support to a degree. If your person has got the appropriate support in place, as hard as it may be, it's great to allow them to have the option of whom else might be invited in.  Good on you for continuing to support and hold that space- it can be invaluable in those times just to know someone cares ❤️

[Sally_Everymind]

@Shaz51 The IF is one of the hardest things to live with. And I'm not sure that it completely goes away once you have supported someone who has attempted suicide. In speaking to lots of families and friends in this situation, they tell us that coming to terms with the unknown is really hard, but really important. Some of the things that can be helpful is having a safety plan with the person you support. This means working with them to identify what you can do when they are feeling distressed. It also means working out how to best communicate with them at these times. And definitely talking to others about what has worked for them.

[Sally_Everymind]

How might you be able to communicate with the person you support about what they are going through and what you are experiencing as their carer and loved one?  

Communicating effectively is an important part of any relationship. Improving communication can reduce frustration and stress, and create healthy interactions with your friends and family.

Our Minds Together online program outlines four basic communication skills that can assist with communication when there are high levels of stress.

1. Levelling - giving the other person information about your thoughts and feelings rather than expecting them to read your mind.
2. Listening - not just hearing but actively processing what people say. It is important to pay attention to what others are saying rather than thinking about what you will say next.
3. Validating - communicating to the other person that you have heard their position or opinion. It is not necessary for you to understand or even agree with others; however, it is important to recognise and accept other people's right to feel and think as they do.

'I' statements - Begin what you say with 'I'. By doing this, you take responsibility for your own wants, thoughts, and feelings rather than putting the responsibility or blame on the other person. For example, ‘I feel’ frustrated ‘when’ I am always left to clean up the dishes ‘because’ I often don’t have time to do everything myself. ‘I would like’ your help with the washing up and then we could sit and relax together.

[Shaz51]

thank you @TideisTurning ❤️

very true @Sally_Everymind  and it depends on the days , emotions, stressful situations 

[Shaz51]

@TideisTurning , @Sally_Everymind , @amber22 

now when I am quiet --- My husband says " you are thinking about what to say ay ", ha ha 😂🤣

[TideisTurning]

Love that @Shaz51! Simple silences can say a lot when we might not be entirely sure of what to say 💛

[Sally_Everymind]

@Shaz51 you have a great sense of humour! And clearly you have an unspoken way of communicating with your husband because he's probably right! There is a lot of power in silence. It's a great technique to use. Well done!

[amber22]

Onto our last question for the night...

Why might it be important to look after yourself as a carer? How might you be able to maintain a healthy and happy life? 

@Sally_Everymind 

[Shaz51]

thank you @Sally_Everymind , @TideisTurning , a lot of learning over the years xx

[Sally_Everymind]

Why might it be important to look after yourself as a carer? How might you be able to maintain a healthy and happy life?

Family and friends supporting someone with mental ill-health or suicidal distress can also experience psychological distress themselves at twice the rate of the general population. Looking after yourself when caring for someone else can be hard – as many people who support others put their own needs last. Taking care of yourself is a necessary part of sustaining your caring role. Carers have told us that they often find it hard to find the time to think about looking after themselves.

There are many ways to practice self-care. There is no 'one size fits all' approach. Some strategies that may help you uncover what self-care methods are right for you include reflecting on what activities help you recharge and relax and identifying if there are new activities or experiences you would like to try. 

Some suggestions include:

• Mindfulness to bring your attention to the present moment without judgement.
• Eating well to help your sleeping pattern, energy levels and general health.
• Regular exercise to improve your mental health and wellbeing.
• Social connection to feel a sense of belonging – an example of this might be logging onto an online social forum to connect with others going through similar experiences to yours. Minds Together has the SANE online social forum available as part of its programs. Making the time to have a cuppa or just a phone call with friends or family is also a great way to keep connected.