Lived Experience Forum

[scruffypuffball]

@PinkFlamingo @Jynx @Glisten @Alonely @Shaz51 @Snowie @Dimity @NatureLover @_PixieSolstice_ @Captain24 @Bow @creative_writer @Appleblossom 

"Chronic Sadness And Narcissistic Abuse
One of the hardest parts of narcissistic abuse is, the continuous overwhelming sadness victims feel. There is this chronic painful feeling of sadness that seems to have no end. Not just because of the loss of the relationship. But because you would never treat another human like that. There is this deep sorrow almost like the emotions of a child, who feels unloved, neglected and unimportant and thrown away. There is something about narcissistic abuse that brings you to your knees. They treat you like you don’t matter, you don’t count, and you are nothing. It’s that feeling of being left behind and unwanted. It is the sadness of knowing people like this exist. It’s the sadness that they really don’t care. It’s the sadness that you met a person who has no ability to love and most definitely did not love you. And it’s the sadness that this is your reality, and you part of the many people who have unfortunately experienced and are privy to narcissistic abuse."
~ Maria Consiglio

Yeah, this hit hard, when you are made to feel worthless as a child when you havent even had the opportunity to develop sense of self, boundaries, confidence.  I was always the outlier, blaming it on the generation gap, now realising it was an empathy/decency/morality gap.  I feel better now, I have come a long way... but i guess that hollow feeling in my chest is sadness.  Ok, now i need to get all punk and say I am glad I gave the finger and stopped getting validation from those morons.  There, phew.  Now, on that note, time for bed.

[Former-Member]

@scruffypuffball thanks for your posts.. you got me thinking..its super brave to stretch beyond the tornado vortex of emotional entrapment and start having boundaries, because those boundaries are then seen as a threat to control and an insult to the narcissist. The narcs are offended, and then blame is used in an attempt to put you back in the exhausting tornado vortex of emotional control (where the whirlwind of emotions of confusion, insecurity, loss of worth, endless self-questioning and endless seeking of reality that is kept out of sight) to maintain their grip - anything that is done by a victim that threatens this grip is seen by them as hostile and they will do their utmost with unfettered cruelty to maintain control. 
This is what I belatedly learned about many people in my life, and I realised that they had stripped me of my boundaries by using my good nature against me: my desire for harmony, peace, and growth were used as weapons to diminish any defence with a constant barrage of tactics designed to make me strive for those things I could never achieve, which broke me down brick by brick. 
I know I won’t ever be the same - there are things that will always be changed within me (I can just feel it) - but I do know now that the value I had taken away from me on a daily basis was not theirs to take, and I have the right to defend that value, demonstrate that value with my natural tendency to care and show compassion, and uphold that value like it’s the most precious thing I own. 
Individual value goes beyond the intrinsic value every decent person has, it also includes the beautiful ways in which their nature shares that value with the people they feel safe to share it with…these are the little drops of gold sprinkled throughout these places where we nurture ourselves and others, I feel. 🙂💜🌺

Thank you and @Glisten  for sharing, your messages have really helped focus my emotional brain today…and I hope you both have a lovely Sunday 🤗🦩🌺

 @Jynx 

[Glisten]

@Former-Member  I’m impressed PF. You really know how the Narcissist works. Very few people understand narcissistic cycle of abuse and the brainwashing effect on their victims.

Many psychologists don’t understand the effect of the abuse. All the more reason to have lived experience, trauma informed psychologists and psychiatrists.

Friends and family are baffled by our, the victims, lack of action.

It is a step forward to legislate coercive control in the DV Act. But agencies and support services are having to catchup with policy and procedures.

In the meantime victims like myself fall through the cracks.

I wonder if organisations like SANE could collaborate with UQ with U, run by the University of Queensland for the practical component of their curriculum?

G

[scruffypuffball]

@PinkFlamingo @Jynx @Glisten @Alonely @Shaz51 @Snowie @Dimity @NatureLover @_PixieSolstice_ @Captain24 @Bow @creative_writer @Appleblossom 

I always wondered why I was so hated.  I guess David Graeber was right.  "In life you are judged by your friends and you are judged by your enemies.  I want to make all the right enemies."

👇

[Former-Member]

Thanks heaps @Glisten 🙂🌺🙌🏻

Just want to say I’m sorry to hear you ‘fell through the cracks’ of the system.. that shouldn’t happen, but sadly all too often it does 💜

Unfortunately I had many years to study unfettered narcissistic behaviour in my family and later on in relationships, which led me to the thoughts I have, to which you’ve so kindly replied 🙂💜

I completely agree that the deeply paralysing effects that this kind of trauma does is currently underestimated and underappreciated in terms of the significance and level of impact it has on individuals, families, and communities. 

I’m also totally in agreement that mental health professions should have significant educational components taught/delivered by those with lived experience (including pracs) so they comprehend the critical nature of addressing this appropriately in practice and policy…if not coming to their career with lives experience themselves 🙂

There is a real gap in community knowledge about how harmful narcissism is to any space (family, social, work), and the loss of productivity that poor or harmful dynamics has on both individuals and society through the knock-on effects (eg: personal effects of dealing with trauma and how this impacts on a person’s wellbeing and therefore their function and engagement capacity). I think there should be nuggets of gold like how we teach kids to hold hands and look both ways to cross the road, we should be teaching best practices in relating to and respecting others 😊

I love the UQ with U program, however the issue I have is that TEQSA are not actively monitoring or disseminating best practice initiatives across all universities with the same or similar Schools of Teaching (eg: nursing, allied health, social sciences, medicine, psychology, psychiatry, counselling, and social work) to ensure there is equality in delivery across this wide nation..!  

you’re right, service deliverers/CMO’s could engage with these initiatives to outsource training (eg: universities do open days, open lectures, and in-services) in some instances, which would greatly empower staff 🙂

As a current student and former teacher, it drives me up the wall that wonderful initiatives aren’t standardised and disseminated widely by such a ‘governing body’…. Alright I need to take a breath hehe 😉 

🌺🙂

[Glisten]

@Former-Member  you really know your stuff. Like 🙌🏼 ALL the stuff.

G

[Former-Member]

 I like these @scruffypuffball , thanks heaps for sharing 🙂🌺💜

[Former-Member]

Aw, thanks heaps @Glisten 🙂🌺🤗 

I really appreciate it, and reading your comment is really encouraging and inspiring, making the kind road of advocacy effort feel very much worthwhile 🙂🌺💜

[Glisten]

@Former-Member  it’s who I am - a Pinky-Lefto with a Humanities BA, and a former 15 year career in political admin.

My ex-narcissist is a Union Organiser and person of value to Party power brokers.

I can’t get a job during campaign season.

5 days ago he was still trying to get me to agree to a property settlement away from the lawyers, because he doesn’t want to disclose legally required documents.

The irony of the situation.

I don’t know why his behaviour surprises me?

G

[scruffypuffball]

@PinkFlamingo @Jynx @Glisten @Alonely @Shaz51 @Snowie @Dimity @NatureLover @_PixieSolstice_ @Captain24 @Bow @creative_writer @Appleblossom 

Referring to the screen grab below, its happening to our world right now.. what Łobaczewski termed Political Ponerology.  It is literally pushing humanity off a cliff.  Like E. Mika said you either transmit or transform. #positivedisintegration

https://medium.com/@Elamika/tyranny-as-a-triumph-of-narcissism-76b6fec76d0d

Narcissism can spread like a pandemic, it spreads through social and emotional bonds (peer pressure and tribalism as Ryan states below).  If it is not contained, according to Dabrowski "Psychopaths are responsible for the death and destruction of civilizations thoughout human history".

As for solutions, they are here: https://bandyxlee.substack.com/p/prescription-for-survival-2022?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader...

Bandy X Lee: