Lived Experience Forum

[scruffypuffball]

@Glisten @tyme 

People with character deficiency are not able to emote, so they mimic natural human emotions in order to appear "sane" refer to "Mask Of Sanity" coined in 1941, or "Veneer of Civility".  They realise early on as children they are different.  They do not feel emotions deeply like healthy humans.  Imagine how shallow and boring their lives must be.  For them boredom is pain, so they create chaos to "feel" anything.  Abuse is a stimulant.  They are also drawn to drugs as another stimulant to alleviate the boredom.  Some dress to impress, lovebomb and goom their victims into a relationship, that is when the cycle of abuse starts.

The Character Deficient "person" in my life was low functioning.  So the superficial charm is missing.  Instead he is guarded, and that is how they hide their pathology.  Soon enough though the mask slips and they reveal their true selves.  I found it startling as a child to find how different he was to other kids.  The blunt affect... Cold and aloof, lack of remorse etc.

[Glisten]

@tyme  I do like you. So logical.

[Glisten]

@scruffypuffball  my ex trying to mimic empathy was disturbing 😳 

[tyme]

@scruffypuffball , what you wrote reminds me of the book,  "We need to talk about Kevin". As much as the book was a really difficult read in the beginning, by the time I got into it, I couldn't stop. I was absolutely captivated... what you posted reminds me if the main character, Kevin...

[scruffypuffball]

@tymeyes I have heard about that, and it was made into a movie, I havent watched it as I dont watch movies, but yeah, Kevin is my brother.  Goddamn.  It was torture living with that for so long.  Thanks for mentioning.  Psychopaths are genetically different, my parents were not abusive but they were soft and he knew what he could get away with.  So I just cannot accept "trauma makes them that way" excuse.  Getting away and going no contact is the only solution, so is radical acceptance.

[tyme]

Hey @scruffypuffball , I don't watch movies either. The book was incredible. Goes into the mind of the person.

TW: socio-paths, psychopaths

Content/trigger warning

In terms the being genetically different, I haven't looked into the research, but I somehow believe you. I have met children where I can see that something isn't right. It's terrifying... spine chilling... you look at those eyes and there's NO empathy. No emotion. No feeling... it doesn't matter what therapy or medication they have... it doesn't take the look out of their eyes. 

Chilling...

Please note, the above is purely from my own observations and experiences.

[Alice10]

I just read most of these. Thank you.

[TAB]

Hi and welcome @Alice10  I'm not a regular on this thread. Just passing through.I scanned thing about hoses and ph books . Funny.

TW: parental abuse

Content/trigger warning

pieces of garden hose was fathers weapon on choice. used to leave imprints almost as deep as hose across thighs

[Alice10]

@scruffypuffball @tyme @Glisten @Appleblossom 

Sorry if I’ve missed anyone out whose been supporting me with lovely and also helpful comments.. I’m also not super savvy with technology.. I’ve just re-read the above post.. it’s helping to be able to identify with some of the personal accounts/past experiences.. my “person” is definitely using abuse as a stimulant and cannot tolerate boredom. And he does create chaos in order to feel. When I read about people being ‘lovebombed’ at the beginning of the relationship, I could identify with that too. Part of me feels unintelligent for walking into this eyes supposedly wide open, I don’t think I’ll live with anyone (in a relationship sense) again for a long time. I feel however, that my “awareness” journey is really beginning now, because I’m operating as a more whole (as in healed) person. I was always afraid of being on my own before. He always refers to how he has “fixed me” and how I was a “mess” when we met, and I was a bit battered by life I suppose, but I guess he saw that coming too. This is the second time in my life only, that I’ve shared a home, with a partner, and it’s a truly beautiful one on acreage, so I’ve been having waves of grief. And tears that come from a very deep place, when he’s not around. My action plan is progressing - I won’t go into detail, regarding moving on etc. There are a few things that I need to - go my way - today, so wish me luck. People say that the school of life is the most valuable one - not easy though is it. Xo

PS. Whenever I’m feeling low, I log onto this site and re-read posts etc and it’s really helping. Thank you so much forever and ever - Alice.

[Glisten]

@Alice10  I don’t know what to say or where to start.

Sometimes words are inadequate and response unnecessary.

Except to say change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same. Life is very short.

His words did not match his actions. An ill-mannered beast came to stay, the love of my life, man of my dreams went away.

Occasionally I would see glimpses of him, taking to other people.

But when his eyes turned to me, the apparition of my love disappeared.

I fell in love with a person that didn’t exist and I grieve for him like a widow.

G