Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

[rav3n]

we all need a space to be a mess, i'm glad this can be yours @D1ng0 😊

no need to apologise for the rant! i get what you mean, when you've got so much you're holding in, it tends to feel like a 'trauma dump' since you have months/years worth that you've held inside?

sucks that you have to hide parts of how your truly feeling, evening talking about suicidal thoughts is important but also needs to be done safely - i know you mentioned trying out a few different helplines/online chats recently, is there one you feel comfortable trying to reach out to again to discuss those suicidal thoughts?

also if you ever want to rant but don't want a response, there's also this thread: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No respon... - SANE Forums

with things like mental health, there's no clear 'right' or 'wrong' way of things since we're all different in the way we heal, share, express ourselves, etc. you're still figuring out your way, and you wont know what works/doesn't work unless you give it a go right? and you are giving it a go which means you're on the right track. manifesting that the rest of this week is a lil brighter for you ✨

[rav3n]

hey @D1ng0 hope things are going well for you. i recall you mentioning that Fridays are tough, just know we're here to listen and support you 💗

[D1ng0]

Hey @rav3n, thank you so much for asking, and for your other reply. I'm not feeling too great, but not the worst. Going to bed early. I'm pretty sad that my fridays are this boring, but it's taking a lot of effort just to clear the very low bar of functioning, so I'm trying to aim for that instead of being miserable about it. Easier said than done, but I'm giving it a go.

Actually had a pretty productive day. In a lot of physical pain though, so there's nothing left in the tank. So I'll say goodnight, and I hope you're alright too. Thanks again for asking how I'm doing.

[rav3n]

lovely to hear from you @D1ng0 💙

sometimes just doing the best with whatever energy you have is all the matters - and if just getting through the day was the goal, then great job in getting through. there's other Fridays to come where you can perhaps plan something new/fun/relaxing to try out, there's no rush though.

glad you felt productive today, totally understand how draining that can still be both physically and mentally so I hope you rest up well, good night!! ✨

[rav3n]

hey @D1ng0 just wanted to pop-in to say hi! hope this week's been treating you well 💙

[D1ng0]

Hey @rav3n, thank you for asking after me. I hope this week is being good to you, too.

I'm mostly okay... I got another new diagnosis recently, a physical condition rather than a mental one, but it's still a lot to process. After being diagnosed with bulimia earlier this year, I was kinda hoping the diagnoses would settle down, and my health would stabilise... That hasn't happened yet! Which is pretty exhausting.

But I'm still sober, I'm eating in a pretty moderate way, and I'm still employed. So I feel like, as long as I can maintain this low bar, things will eventually get better.

I'm pretty scared that I'll become very depressed again, so even though I'm doing alright, I have this anxiety that it's only temporary. Which probably sounds stupid, but it's always at the back of my mind.

[Jynx]

Just popping in to say hi @D1ng0!! 

Also, re:

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@D1ng0 wrote:

I'm pretty scared that I'll become very depressed again, so even though I'm doing alright, I have this anxiety that it's only temporary. Which probably sounds stupid, but it's always at the back of my mind.

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This is so normal my friend. It's the 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' feeling that often follows us through our recovery - cos our survival system has been on edge for so long, and it literally operates on habit. So habitually, you're used to having to be ready for things to be awful. 

In time, the feeling should pass. I think sometimes it's just about providing a little bit of internal reassurance ya know? 😉
 

[rav3n]

Hey @D1ng0 great to hear from you 😊

A new diagnosis definitely sounds like a lot to process, I can see how this must be really exhausting for you on top of everything else! I know you mentioned that you're trying to maintain the 'low bar' for as long as you can, but even that low bar is a lot of hard work and I just wanted to say that I see so much strength in you. 

About the depression - it can sometimes be a bit of a cycle right? from my experience, recognising the early signs of when its about to hit and using the right coping tools have helped manage my depression much nowadays. it does take a bit of time, finding the right tools and trialling them out - but it is very very possible to manage depression so it becomes less anxiety provoking!

don't forget to keep taking things one little step at a time, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed - and keep celebrating those wins, big and small ones - they all will matter and contribute so much to the bigger picture! take care 💙