Lived Experience Forum

[Alone]

I have this strange feeling, its bubbling up inside me.

I've had a big couple of years.  In the past 2 and a bit years I have ...

Beaten breast cancer, with a smile on my face.

Bought a house and moved out of my parents place to live on my own for the first time ever. They now live almost 2 hours from me and we don't have a lot of contact (long story, we wont go there)

 I also got a little part time job a few months ago, which means for the first time since going on dsp almost 20 years ago I am working a bit (and centrelink is okay with me doing it while on dsp!)

I've fought centrelink to be heard when I had a problem, and they listened.

Since buying my house I've had a huge learning curve.  I had to put my faith in a builder when I needed my bathroom renovated, I didn't have a clue what to do, and he helped me sort it all out.  I've sorted out all sorts of things from electricity, security screens, paying rates etc.

A few weeks ago I braved meeting some other owners of the townhouse complex I am in at an AGM, the first time I've sat at a table with a group of people in years.  I even made a friend! Though I haven't seen him since haha.

My design and decorating knowledge is zero, its taken me 15 months to purchase a lounge, (previously I was sitting on the floor to watch tv!) and it turned up last week in a box needing to be put together. I sat and stared at that box for days. I thought I couldn't do it. It was a 2 seater lounge and weighs almost 90kg, so I thought how am I  a middle aged woman on her own  going to get that out of a box and put it together?  And today I did it!  I put it together by myself and it wasn't nearly as hard as I had thought it would be.

I am so happy and proud.  25 years ago I was in such a bad place in life.  I've struggled hard to get out of it, and I still fight with my illnesses.  But my life has improved so much and I just want to say to those of you who are struggling to hang in there.  In my case it wasn't a doctor or therapist who helped me (I gave up on doctors over 15 years ago), it was a bunch of strangers that I've met in the past 2 years who were kind and accepted me for the way I am. Plus my own positivity and keeping my eye on my goal of improving my life, and constantly working towards it.

I have this weird feeling inside of me and I realized this afternoon what it is. 

I am happy.

I have no idea why I am posting this, I don't really want to talk about it but if it helps just one person then that is a good thing.

Be happy.

[Lunar]

Hello @Alone

Thank you so much for sharing this, it showed how you kept trying different things which lead you to a place where you are feeling happy, through all of those hard times you managed to do so much. That is quite inspiring and shows that just by trying will be full of highs and lows but it is worth it. 🙂

[utopia]

@Alone. What a great journey you have been on. All these new achievements you have experienced. Well done. It is good to hear a positive story.
As you say ' keeping your eye on your goal & working towards it' - it pays dividends.
Happy. Well done

[Alone]

Thanks Lunar, 

I think we are all so individual, different things help different people.  In my case the medical profession wasnt a lot of help, in fact I felt they hindered me by trying to put me in their boxes and demanding that I be like everyone else.   I realised for myself that eating healthy and exercising made me feel better, so I threw myself into it.  I also realised that I was in a toxic situation at home that had to change before I could get "better" so I worked towards being able to leave it.

Everything I did finally meshed together to bring me to a place where I may not be "better" but I am really happy.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Alone

you kept trying different things which lead you to a place where you are feeling happy, through all of those hard times you managed to do so much. --- I agree with @Lunar and am sooo proud of what you have done

[Alone]

Hi Utopia, 

Thank you.  I think keeping your goals in mind and constantly working towards them is a big help.  Little steps towards your goals may not seem much, but in the bigger picture when it all comes together you are ready.

One of my favourite sayings is that you can't live a positive life with a negative mind.  Even when things get tough, and they have been tough, if you try to find a positive in things it makes life better.  So often we get caught up in the negatives.

[Alone]

Thanks Shaz, 

At the end of the day we have to keep trying.  If we give up we have no hope, but if we keep trying we have a chance.

[Shaz51]

Yes @Alone, it is easy to  get caught up in the negatives., yes we need to keep on keeping on

[NatalieS]

@Alone I am so inspired by your post. Sometimes it's the little things (or what some people believe are little things, but can be huge for someone with a mental illness) along the way that make such a difference to the big picture. I wish you all the best with your journey.

[Shaz51]

me too @NatalieS