Lived Experience Forum

[Evie1]

I feel bad thinking that I feel protected by Suicide and that's no harm

[NikNik]

Hi @Evie1

Sadly, it's not uncommon for people to feel guilt and shame around their suicidal thoughts (whatever they might be!). But putting ourselves through the wringer for it and being tough on ourselves, is the last thing we need for our mental health!

I hope coming here to the Forums has helped see you shouldn't feel bad for what you think. Putting the the guilt and shame to the side that causes to beat ourselves up, can give us room we need to get the support that we deserve.

Do other members have similar experiences of feeling 'bad', shame or guilt?

[Phoenix_Rising]

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@NikNik wrote:

Do other members have similar experiences of feeling 'bad', shame or guilt?

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Hi @Evie1 and @NikNik,

No, I don't feel bad about struggling with thoughts of suicide. I am a big fan of dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and one of the ideas in that model of therapy is that it is totally ok to think about suicide. Linehan (the developer of DBT) talks about how daydreaming about suicide can be very soothing because it helps the person to feel less trapped. I am totally ok with thinking about suicide. The thoughts are only thoughts, they can't hurt me.

I have rules for myself around what I do when I'm having thoughts of suicide. For example, if I am at home and have very strong urges to suicide, I put myself to bed and won't get up until the feeling passes. While I'm in my bed I will allow myself to daydream about suiciding as much as I want to. Again, they are only thoughts, they can't hurt me.

Another time I sometimes get very strong urges to suicide is when I'm driving. If this happens, I have the rule that I pull over, turn the car off and put the keys on the dashboard until the feeling passes.

I really like the expression "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Suiciding is a very VERY big decision and I know that it isn't wise to make ANY big decision when my brain is flooded with big feelings. Thus I know it is super important not to act on the urge. It is only an urge and the urge ALWAYS passes at some point.

Gee, that all got really long didn't it. The shorter answer is "no, I don't feel bad about having thoughts of suicide."

[CheerBear]

Hi @Evie1. I just noticed NikNik ask whether other members have experienced feeling similar guilt or shame as it seems you are.

A couple of months ago I had a pretty hard time managing suicidal thoughts. I felt so guilty that it was something I was thinking of, particularly when I thought of my kids. Having these thoughts and feelings was not something I could really control and adding feeling guilty on top of already feeling terrible, wasn't helpful for me.

I still sometimes struggle with feeling shame and guilt when I'm sad or angry, especially when I see that I have actually have a lot to be thankful for. I feel like I should be feeling better, or happy, or able to move on. I know that really there's no 'should' when it comes to feeling or thinking things though. How we feel is how we feel.

It helps me a lot to use the forum and be reminded that it is ok to feel or think how I do. I can't really control those things, but I can control how I act and what I do with those thoughts and feelings.

I don't know if that's helpful or not for you to hear that, but if nothing else I hope you don't feel alone in thinking like you do. There are lots of us here who have felt a similar way.

[Evie1]

I wanna let Suicide take me I sick and tired of fighting I wanna give up

[NikNik]

Hi @Evie1

You seem exhausted. How was group today? I think I read somewhere you had a session this afternoon?

[Evie1]

Good but tried

[NikNik]

I'm glad it was good @Evie1 It's not uncommon to be very drained after group sessions - they sure can zap the energy out!

Is there anything nice you can do for yourself tonight?

[Evie1]

I cooked dinner

[utopia]

@Evie1. When I have a group or a stressful appointment - I'm often beyond exhausted afterwards & my negative self talk is so loud - that the best thing I find - is to have a big sleep. Sometimes I've slept 17 hours straight. And this sleep often helps to reset and quiet my self talk.