Our stories
Hi all,
@CheerBear and I have been having an interesting discussion about hugs and we thought it would be good to start a thread about this to hear other people's experiences.
I find the amount of hugging that goes on in the forums quite intriguing. I have a complex relatiionship with physical touch. For me, hugging is something that only feels ok with people that I feel super safe with and thus I find it interesting how freely hugs are handed out around the forums. When someone "hugs" me in the virtual world, I experience the same physiological reaction that I would if they hugged me in real life. Thus, if they are someone I feel super safe and comfortable with, I get the "warm fuzzy" feeling that is produced by the hormone oxytocin being released in my brain. Conversely, if it is someone I don't feel that level of comfort with, I get the uncomfortable you-are-invading-my-space feeling.
I am curious to hear if others have a similar experience to me, or whether virtual hugs are experienced quite differently to real life hugs??? 
Hi all,
Hmmm...well @CheerBear it sounds like people relate to your experience more than mine. Phew, good thing I've had 40 years experience of being the odd one out. 
I recognise that my way of experiencing virtual hugs reflects some of my muddle around attachment and touching. It's not weird or anything, just different. I super love being part of a community where different is so ok. 
@STORMGRL101 it sounds like in real life we are alike - hugs are super comforting but only from a few select people. Like you, I also find physical touch comforting (though again, only from certain people). The fact that (A) got over her no-touching rule and is now ok with resting her hand on my back for pretty much the entire session is the thing I value most about her.
Hi @Phoenix_Rising,
personally I'm not much of a hugger, but I secretly wish I were. When I see people giving each other hugs when I am out socially, it makes me feel good. I think "Oh, how nice. They care about each other and are not afraid to show it." I especially like how young people, these days, are not self-conscious with members of the opposite gender and are happy to hug each other, without worrying about how it looks to other people.
When I was a teen, I would have never hugged a boy, unless I liked him romantically! It seems silly of me now.
So, I think cyber-hugs are lovely and a nice way of expressing warmth to the other person. No, I don't object to someone who hardly knows me giving me a cyber-hug. It does not feel like an intrusion. I always feel that the expression is well-meant.
Within my family, we weren't really ever hugged, once we left infancy. I can't remember my Mum hugging me after about 4 years of age. It might have happened, but I don't recall it. I did not hug my sister or my brother, either.
So, although hugging looks nice, I find it hard to initiate. I think most of my friends are aware of this and don't push it. We usually give each other a quick kiss on the cheek.... more like an air-kiss, but the intention is good. 
