Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

I have been rejected and abandoned before by the people that are meant to love me.  I have also felt abandoned by a professional.  And i have been told before 'sorry i can't help you' after seeing this person for 5 years.

This feeling of rejection and abandonment is making my anxiety rise.  I am scared of being abandoned and rejected again.  i fear this so much.

How do others cope with this?

[tyme]

Hey @BlueBay ,

In the past, I would terminate the relationship first to ensure I don't hear it from them. This means, even if there is an inkling that they will cut me off, I walk off/ghost/or not turn up first. 

However, during my recovery, I realised that if I were to experience the potential joys of relationships, I'd also have to be ready to accept being hurt. Relationships are two-way.

Moving forward, nowadays, I'm pretty much, 'Meh? talk to me if you want. Don't talk to me if you don't want." I don't actually care if people don't want to talk to me anymore.

If anything, I've got too many people to talk to so that perhaps I'm the one doing the ghosting and ignoring... not because I don't care... it's more because I don't have time. 

We are all different @BlueBay . If we focus on the loss, then we miss out on the gain... 

Good to see you 🙂 Hugs

[BlueBay]

Hi @tyme it's such a hard area for me to accept or be ok with.

I'm starting to be ok with people not talking to me.  I can only do so much and i can't make people/friends talk to me if they don't want.  I used to think it was my fault but i now see it wasn't.

[tyme]

100% @BlueBay ! It's NOT your fault. And if they don't want to talk to you, so be it. Everyone needs to look after themselves first. It doesn't mean they are selfish. Hence, you are to look after yourself first 🙂

Do what works for you. Another thing I say to myself if they don't want to talk is, "Your loss" :). I'm not going to waste time trying to talk to people who don't want to talk to me - otherwise I miss out on those around me who DO want to talk to me.

Hope that makes sense. Consider all the people who are waiting to talk to you!

[BlueBay]

Yes i understand what you're saying @tyme.  i also had to put boundaries around my parents which was so so difficult but i have to protect myself and my wellbeing. 

thanks for your support too over the past few months.  i really appreciate it xxx

[BlueBay]

Today is not a good day 😢😢