Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

I'm rugged up like a snowman, that is an interesting image @Gazza75 

Awesome that you have a date. @Queenie  and I agree with @Gazza75 that  Mrs will understand and you can celebrate anyway

[Queenie]

Well folks, the anniversary came and went. I managed some leave and got the Mrs a lovely present. I’m still on for discharge Friday, but I’ve hit a slump. My psychiatrist believes I will get rid of my voices and delusions, however, so far they remain. I just don’t talk openly about them anymore so I can go home. I don’t believe that I am an easy fix. I think despite medication and therapy, I will probably always be that little bit crazy. Take today for example, I still have voices commanding me to harm myself despite feeling rather chipper. It’s confusing and makes me yo-yo between moods. I still have fixed beliefs that despite my psychiatrist providing evidence to the contrary, I stick steadfastly to...why is that?

I am currently on enough medication to sedate a blue whale and I’m being expected to function normally...why is that?

Anyhoo I’m here still.

[Queenie]

I’m frightened. I currently have that icky skin crawling feeling I get when things are about to go downhill. My psychiatrist has threatened me with long term hospitalisation meaning an institution. Do places like that still exist? I don’t want to disappear!

[Queenie]

I’ve decided to spend some time away from posting here in the forum. I will read but not post. 

I was in a really bad headspace and to think nobody cares is too much. 

Feeling really disillusioned with the whole shabang to be honest. 

I know now how truly alone I am in my experiences.

[Tortoiseshell]

Dear @Queenie, 

I can see from your previous post that something really terrifying was happening for you yesterday. It sounds like your psychosis was scary. On top of that I can't even imagine how scary that would be being faced with the prospect of long-term hospitalisation.

It can feel so hard reaching out in the first place and distressing if there is not a lot of support given, even if the reasons might be very random and not personal. It can seem so random sometimes where activity ends up on the forums and which posts end up being seen by lots of people. 

It is really important to consider self-care and how the forums are impacting you, and if you feel you need some time away from posting that is really important. I would really encourage you to draw on any support outside of the forums to take care of yourself. 

I know you are a really valued member of the forums. Take care of yourself and please don't hesitate to email team@saneforums.org if you need 

Tortoiseshell 

[Shaz51]

ohhhh @Queenie , we care very very much about you my awesome friend xxxx

sitting with you always

[Appleblossom]

Sorry @Queenie  you did not get many repsonses here on the forum, as well as all the other stressors ...

Without tagging it is so easy for posts to fall between the cracks.  SOmetimes I am in a mode where I go through all new posts and unanswered posts, but I did not read this til now.

Most people do not feel comfortable when someone is trying to prove them wrong.  I am not sure what your "delusion" was or what kind of relationship you have with that pdoc, but ... that tends to be a polarising dynamic ...

Glad there are aspects of your mood that are good.  Good Luck with your homecoming and making ongoing self caring plans.

Hugs