Lived Experience Forum

[Tazzi]

I have suffered and battled since I was a kid with my depression and anxiety.

It feels like riding waves, at times it can go along somewhat smoothly and other times it all crashes down around you.

The last year has been the hardest of my whole life, although looked like and probably should have been the best.

I have since ceased work as I was unable to go, this has never happened before in my life. I feel like a complete failure. 

Although I feel the worst has past for now, Christmas is coming up and it's likely to crash back down again.

I feel constantly in my stomach something is wrong, something bad will happen, that I don't deserve anything, I fail others, I'm not good enough, everyone hates and judges me.

The only place I want to be is in bed. I am doing everything I can to just get up each morning, which is improving as for a few months I barely did. I started on a new medication which is helping to ease some of symptoms. 

I feel so much guilt and shame for not feeling as greatful and lucky for what I have as i should. Why isn't it enough? Why am I not enough?

I am so scared to try to connect with others, I fear rejection and judgement so much I don't let anyone close enough to give them the chance. I have no friends as a result however I have started to now push my family away too. 

I guess my goal for joining is to try to connect with others and push past my fear of judgement and prevent myself from isolating myself too much from the outside world

[deshift]

Naww, I really feel you here, a lot of the things you say strongly resonate with my own ordeals I have been through. I will withhold from dishing out advice, and just offer some consolation that your experience is saddening for me, and I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

Please, reaching out is very courageous, well done!

🙁
deshift

[Snowie]

Hi @Tazzi 

Firstly welcome to the Sane forums. I hope you find it a really encouraging and supportive place.

Secondly wow, sounds like the words came out of me. I can resonate with so much you have written. This journey of life is so hard at times, and can leave us feeling so confused and upset.

Please know that you are not alone on here. We will be with you for as much as you need.

Please allow yourself to keep reaching out for help.

Do you have any professional support around you?

Looking forward to more chats

Snowie 💗💗

[anon1988]

Hey @Tazzi I havnt figured out how to create a post here yet but you sound like me.

I seen a physchiatrist today that prescribed me 2 medications very low doses as I have a fear of medication and I struggled to try and take one at all.

My symptoms

Headaches

Tingly arms legs

Heavy feeling all over body

Feeling depressed

Scared of what's going on

No appetite infact a fear of food has stopped me eating for several weeks

I have bad attacks in between this 24/7 stuff and they involve hot sweats heart palpitations feeling I can't breathe tiredness although most of the time I feel I'm about to go into a coma and so scared to sleep in actually not sleeping well.

I want to be better as we all do

But when you hit rock bottom it's hard to get back up.

And no matter what anyone says it never feels it will be ok

Just know that whilst it might not get better anytime soon there is many others suffering.

[tyme]

Hey @anon1988 ,

Thanks for sharing. 

If you want to create your own thread, you can click here. But it's also totally okay if you want to stay posting here.

I hear how scary and uncertain things are for you at the moment.

Yet reading your post, I can't help but think whether the side effects are due to the medication itself or the anxiety of taking the medication? Do you have psychological supports as well? The thoughts which bring on the anxiety may be something to work with.

Please know you can call SANE's drop-in line when you feel you need to speak to someone 1800 187 263 (M-F 10am-8pm AEDT)

You are not alone @anon1988 . I hear it is hard for now, but things can get better.

Let's just say, when you hit rock bottom, there's no other way you can go except UP! You've got an entire community here to help you up.

Please take care. You too @Tazzi 

[Tazzi]

I have therapy although I find it more stressful then helpful 

[Simone1]

I have exactly what you have

[tyme]

Hey @Simone1 ,

Welcome to the forums. Have you had a chance to speak to you dr about what you are experiencing? 

I'm glad you have been able to relate to some of the posts.

We are glad to see you here.

Regards,

tyme