Lived Experience Forum

[230305]

Hi everyone,

I have been living with mental illness for the last 25years, and I have finally felt that im on top of it (YAY). But then my brother who is my 91yr old father's carer has had an AVO put on him by the ploice for abuse to my dad, which means that he has to leave the house, which means that as being the only sibling (there are 5 of us) with out full time work that I have to move in for the foreseable future to help assist my father. Now don't get me wrong I love my father and I want to help him, but I have a 12yr old and a house that i also have to maintain, I work as a disability support worker 2 days a week but that is going to change soon due to the NDIS. The family say that they will help with my father but I know in my gut that they will for a while and then it will be all on me.

Im starting to feel overwhelmed due to the pressure that i feel my family is placing on me about having to look after my father, my 12yr old is also struggling with all of this aswell. I want to help my father out but I don't want to go down the rabbit hole of depression again. I just wish that there was a better solution that didn't mean that it was all put on me.

I feel that with looking after my 12yr old, work and caring for my father I will undo all the recovery that I have worked so hard to achieve. 

[Former-Member]

Sounds so heavy, and seems as though a lot is kind of out of you hands @230305
As you say- you're feeling pressured. You also have a tween to think of and sounds difficult.
Very glad that you've reached out here, I know we have a lot of people who've had similar situations with caring for people while managing their own MI. It might also be good for you to check out the carers forum over the coming months as well as you go forwards.
I hope that it helps being here,
take care of you

[utopia]

@230305. Is it necessary for you to be the soul carer of your dad. What about the other 3 siblings. Why can't they look after dad at night, after work & you do the days.
If this is still too much for you to manage with your Mental Health, then it's best to speak up now to your siblings and let them know that you can't do it. There is no shame in this. You have a teen to look after - that's a full time job as a single parent. You also have work. And then, most importantly, your health.
If your siblings don't have mental health issues - they will need to pick up the majority of his care.
You may also need to think about care for your dad. A hostel or nursing home. Again there is no shame in needing this care for our parents. This maybe a conversation you and your siblings need to have.
Your mental health must come first. Otherwise you can't be the parent, sibling and child that you need to be

[Lunar]

Hello @230305

Welcome to the forums, it is nice to meet you 🙂

That sounds like a particularly tough situation being the carer of your father and having your own things that need to be managed, quite an extra added stress for you and understandable why you are feeling overwhelmed.

I am wondering whether there is a possibility of sharing that carer role with other family or even with carer support options such as Carers Australia, they offer respite and other support services for family and friends in carer roles.

Carers Australia

1800 242 636

http://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

It is really important that you look after yourself in all of this otherwise you will not be much help to your father and your son. The last thing you need is to burn yourself out so it is good that you are aware of that risk and looking at some ways of managing this.

Lunar