Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[BlueBay]

some words on how I feel atm

Dark             it's not fair

deep             depression sucks

hole               anxiety rises

scary             scream

teary              punch

lonely             hit

angry             kick

hate               run away

love               disappear

hate               mindfulness

eyes              nothing

heavy            emty

tired              heart

[Faith-and-Hope]

It's good you're getting it out there @BlueBay.  Keep expressing what rises to the surface in terms of your feelings, but as you do, try to keep putting good stuff back in too.   Look for things that bring you joy and place them in your home around you .... put good songs into your ears .... write little sayings about how you would like to be on sticky labels and leave them like little messages to yourself .... like the positive quotes thread on here.  

The tide will turn .... it will take time and effort, as @Former-Member says it did for her too.  Keep to your courage @BlueBay.  Don't ever mistake toughness for strength .... there are many different types of strength .... and sometimes it takes strength to be softer, and more caring .... sometimes it's the weaker path to be as tough as old boots !!

💜💙

[BlueBay]

I am really scared, scared of not being able to get better.  I try I really do, not sure if everyone believes me but i am trying.  

I'm just tired, tired of trying.  I just wish I could have a hug from anyone, just someone. I think i am breaking down, i can't stop crying now, i wish i was in hospital right now. but damn psych didn't call me back, well maybe he'll call today. don't know anymore. 

positive - just heard the kookaburras, I'm stil here.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Attagirl @BlueBay .... well done !!  You just heard a positive sound and attached yourself to it .... you found a positive anchor .... ⚓️

Now find another one .... it is a bit like a treasure hunt, but you can find them across your day .... and they are little treasures ....

Just focus in for a moment on the lovely feeling you felt when you heard the kookaburras, even if it's just for one brief moment .... and remember that feeling ..... 

I have had to teach my kids to do that in their difficult times, so they have a memory of the beautiful things, especially the beauty of the natural world, so your mind doesn't stay only in a negative zone ....

You are letting small moments of joy into your heart and mind.  You are letting them belong there too.  Like a money box, collect those memories, and the memories of how they make you feel ...

They are liken medicine for you @BlueBay, as important as the meds you take to feel better, are the experiences that make you feel better too....

Gentle hugs.  Baby steps.  Joy moments.

💜💕💜

[BlueBay]

Crisis time is here

I wish i was never here

But now I cry so much

I didn't even have any lunch

Eyes are teary

Head is weary

I just don't know anymore

Somedays i could walk out that door

But then a glimmer of hope

I just don't know how i cope

I feel that my life is a wreck

oh damn what the heck

I wish I was down the beach

Then i could be out of reach

from everyone in my life

i don't know how I'll be tonight

I will go off to bed

and rest my sore heavy head

I don't know what to do

I'm feeling so damn blue

Depression is dark and deep

I hope i can get some sleep

The tears are rolling again

I wish i was better again

[Faith-and-Hope]

@BlueBay

💙💤

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope

It's beautiful xxxooo

[BlueBay]

As I sit here all alone

feeling the cold through my bone

I feel so sad for myself

I wish I was in better health

I need to let it all out

that way there would be no doubt

that i was abused as a child

oh i was so meek and mild

I think of you everyday

and just wish I could say

that I love you with all my heart

and wish we could have another start

My life will never be the same

cause you have ruined it again

I am not goiong back there

to be abused, no it's not fair

So if God sends us together again

I want you to know that I will not pretend

for you need to know how I feel

the hurt the pain it's all real

i just wish i could see my dad

before his memory gets so bad

and if he forgets me I'm not to blame

because of all the shame

i just want to be hugged by dad

sometimes i think i;m going mad

I just wanted to feel your arms

around me 

I'm angry at her

for what she did

to treat me like a little kid

never again will she be in my life

[Faith-and-Hope]

That's a really special one @BlueBay ❣

[BlueBay]

@Faith-and-Hope

I have been crying while writing that poem, that was a hard one.

The whole week and today has been huge. Draining and mentally exhausting.

Wish i could just go to bed and hide away from the world; but i can't.