Peer Group Chat // Being You & Belonging // Thursday 16th March 2023, 7-8:30PM AEDT

[tonys]

@amber22   thankyou  and stay well.       tonys    mb1

[tonys]

Thankyou so much for your reply.  @amber22    hope there's a skip in your step and sparkle in your day.

Well     first thankyou for the spelling,  school wasnt on my bucket list,   but that deli in Sydney 

you mentioned,  . . definatley will be. 

soon as I get past the harvest,   yes  I would love to swap our stories.  So busy now I sometimes miss posts,  but couple of months and then,   peace.   Rain and writing go hand in hand,  . .  on the land.  . .     Very best wishes .   please stay in touch.   tonys m b 1

[Shaz51]

awww @amber22 , @TideisTurning 😍

[amber22]

Hello! @tonys 

Yes definitely worth googling "South African deli" in Sydney and a few will pop up - see which one is closest to you. 

I hope that you're having a wonderful day, sending you hugs 🙂

[amber22]

Hello everyone! I thought that I would reply with some of my ideas and answers 🙂

Feel free to comment yours too!

Q1: What does being yourself look like for you? What might a sense of belonging look like? 

Being myself feels like I don't have to censor what I feel and what I want to do with myself in a certain moment. I feel like I often have to dial myself down or conform into a space when I am not comfortable, and that can make me feel like less of myself. Belonging would mean that I am able to wholeheartedly be myself, while also feeling as if I am valued and respected within that space. 

Q2: When you have the opportunity to be yourself safely, what emotions arise for you and how does it make you feel? Or, how do you imagine it might feel? 

When I am able to wholeheartedly be myself, I feel really happy and passionate about who I am. I am able to fully express myself, and feel happy and content in the moment. I also find a lot of gratitude for the space that I am in and the people that I am around in the moments that I am able to fully be myself as I find these moments to be quite rare. 

Q3: Do you have spaces where you feel you can be yourself? If so, where/what are these spaces? If not, where might you be able to seek out these safe spaces? 

I do, but I find that as I have gotten older that there are less of these spaces in my life. I want to find spaces where I can safely be myself without second guessing myself, but anxiety has also made this quite hard to find. I do have a few really genuine and sweet friends that make me able to completely be myself and accept me for who I am. 

Q4: What do you need in order to feel comfortably yourself in a space? What are the qualities that other people would need to have in these spaces in order for you to feel safe being yourself? 

I need people to be judgement free and to be accepting. I am someone that does not open up very easily so I need to feel a sense of trustworthiness about the space that I am opening up to, and the people that I am choosing to open up to. 

Q5: How might we be able to help create spaces where we and others feel safe to be ourselves? 

By setting an example of what we want the space to be like in ourselves. If we treat others how we would want to be treated, and show others what it might look like to be in a safe space, it can be easier for them to also adapt to this and bring out qualities within them that are similar. 

Q6: What do you imagine some of the impacts might be if you are able to engage in more spaces where you feel comfortable to be yourself? 

I think that I would be a lot more grateful and a lot happier that I have spaces where I can truly be myself. I do think that having people and spaces that I can go to when I am feeling down or need some support, where I am safe to be myself wholeheartedly is a major part of my recovery journey, so this would help in many aspects of my life and my recovery.

Q7: What might it mean to belong as yourself? 

To live like you and only you. To be able to express yourself and be accepted into spaces and groups that truly resonate with your beliefs and values, and that make you feel supported and heard. 

❤️

[tonys]

Thankyou   @amber22    and a big old bear hug to you too,   have a great weekend.

                    and I will  google  those deli's  tonys    mb 1

[tonys]

I'll be honest and say all those questions in one go over whelmed me at first,  First better say I have brain injury A2   and adhd,    All  Good,   These make me comprehend things upside down too often.   But they are   NOT  the obstacles to bettering my lot in life.

How do I know.?     Because we often get tree changers /  sea changers  moving into the area. with out my issues.  

Two types.    ones that are leaving the cities because they cant deal with people of different colour,  dress,  and culture.  They sold for a fortune in the city and are happy to daydream on the ride mowers till the grass is all dead and the oil wells have run dry.

Then there are the  "others' .  The ones   try to  think beyond there own pocket at tax time,

and will vote to better the lot of people and animals, worse off than themselves,  even if It means they may have to give a little more.

Even without my impediments,   this second group just don't last long at the hands of the bullies and the councils with blind eyes.  And greedy real estate agents.

Example  1.    I gave a  lovely Christmas card to  new neighbours, and paid for a survey for them.   They told people That the card was a way of me complaining about there kids noise how do I deal with that,    don't  bother.

Example 2.  Took a bottle of wine and welcome card to another new neighbour.  who looked at me puzzled,  and asked me,  what's  this for. . . !  He had no Idea that there are actually places where people do things like that for each other

I think you just have to find the right street, town, neighbourhood  city,  The geographic place you put yourself in is not everything,  but it is a large part of weather  you will be able to expand, express and belong.   There is a chapter in a book about  'rouge houses'  They just keep turning over.   some towns have a huge turn over rates,  count the number of real estate agents in some of them.    Find a location with a good vibe first.

Not the whole answer ,   but a good start.

 Do also remember as many people age and aquire wealth,  they tend to shift to the right a little,   and on the whole most people out here wont budge to make life better for me,

"  unless well paid' .    AND I DON'T EXPECT THEM TO. . . .  Its up to me to find a community  thats a better fit for me.  And If I cant afford a city centre vista,  I'm one bloke that will happily put the farm sale in the bank and swag it  in the city park. . !   When I decide I have had enough,  its only me that will do . . .  whatever it takes.

love your answers,  @amber22      @Thyme  they  delve deeper than I am able,   but  Its  all bankable.     tonys      moon base one

[FloatingFeather]

Q1: What does being yourself look like for you? What might a sense of belonging look like? 

Being myself means being true to who I am and not what other people may perceive me to be. Having faith to back myself around how I think, feel, cope with things etc. Having the confidence to know who I am and being okay with that.

A sense of belonging can be so important to feel comfortable in your own skin. Having said that I think that it is really important to always be yourself and be with people that really see you and like you for who you are. Belong to people who really get who you are and like you for that.

Q2: When you have the opportunity to be yourself safely, what emotions arise for you and how does it make you feel? Or, how do you imagine it might feel? 

When I feel safe to have my true organic emotions I recognise that I need to allow myself to feel whatever feelings that are coming up. I try not to push out certain feelings because they may make me feel uncomfortable, upset, etc. I am always aware to give my self space and time to calm down. I typically do this best if I am left alone to process and untangle my thoughts in my own time. I do recognise that I am best not to make any important decisions when I am emotional.

Q3: Do you have spaces where you feel you can be yourself? If so, where/what are these spaces? If not, where might you be able to seek out these safe spaces? 

I feel spaces I can be my true self are with my very close friends and my family. In my personal time I try not to sweat the small stuff and see life's blessing. I also try to find fun and be fun with the people in my life I care for because life can get to serious sometimes.

Q4: What do you need in order to feel comfortably yourself in a space? What are the qualities that other people would need to have in these spaces in order for you to feel safe being yourself? 

I need to feel really supported to feel comfortably myself. I also feel that I should be able to speak my truth without being judged and to also hear someone's else's truth in that way so that we both feel heard, cared for and validated.

Q5: How might we be able to help create spaces where we and others feel safe to be ourselves? 

Over the years I have begun to recognise that for many people trusting other people can be really difficult, particularly if someone has never felt safe. I really like the analogy of a tortoise/ turtle in that it can take a really long time for a turtle to come out of its shell but only a second or two to go back into its shell. If someone feels safe with another it is really important to recognise how hard that could have been for them and to try and build on that feeling of safety and trust so that a person doesn't want to retreat back into their shell.

Q6: What do you imagine some of the impacts might be if you are able to engage in more spaces where you feel comfortable to be yourself? 

The more any of us feel like we can feel more comfortable to be our true selves can mean that we can really see and be the person we are and be okay with that and not the person we think others want to see.

Q7: What might it mean to belong as yourself? 

A real sense of liking who we are, backing ourselves and supporting and caring about ourselves in the ways we care for those we really love in our life.

@TideisTurning @amber22 @tonys @Shaz51 @Captain24 

[tonys]

Tortoise pulling his head back in,  Took me a while to think on this, . . .   because its so good.

If I had a $1  for every person I tried to help,   that bit me,   or the number of times I have trusted and been betrayed.   Haven't  got a solution to the questions posed regards what people are capable of inflicting on people.  Only the flight or hide response.  Wish I was smart enough to

see some folks,   coming.  and it is in my nature to try to please,  doc says thats a target. 

All of life is school.  Smart folk are fast learners,   or good predators,   Some folk are slow learners.   Lots never learn.   World war three.  well lets hope I'm   wrong

.   To really reply to all the questions posed,  I needed to fully understand the species I am swimming with.   And ask some awkward overarching  questions.

Do we fully comprehend  the primitive part of our minds and just how much it subconsciously  drives  the journey of humans, the human mark on the planet,  and all that lives on it.

8   billion people and counting.   food,  energy, consumables water forest e t c.   When I get the. . human drivers. . . of this big picture,  then I can start to understand all the small pictures.

and I have an enquiring mind,   I do really want to understand humans.    very best wishes .

 tonys    m  b   1

[TideisTurning]

@amber22  I really love this concept of ‘wholeheartedness’ that you're talking about- it feels like a really good fit for me in terms of the essence of truly being you and belonging 💛

---

@tonys wrote:

we often get tree changers /  sea changers  moving into the area. with out my issues.  

Two types.    ones that are leaving the cities because they cant deal with people of different colour,  dress,  and culture.  They sold for a fortune in the city and are happy to daydream on the ride mowers till the grass is all dead and the oil wells have run dry.

Then there are the  "others' .  The ones   try to  think beyond there own pocket at tax time,

and will vote to better the lot of people and animals, worse off than themselves,  even if It means they may have to give a little more.

Even without my impediments,   this second group just don't last long at the hands of the bullies and the councils with blind eyes.  And greedy real estate agents.

Example  1.    I gave a  lovely Christmas card to  new neighbours, and paid for a survey for them.   They told people That the card was a way of me complaining about there kids noise how do I deal with that,    don't  bother.

Example 2.  Took a bottle of wine and welcome card to another new neighbour.  who looked at me puzzled,  and asked me,  what's  this for. . . !  He had no Idea that there are actually places where people do things like that for each other

---

@tonys   I noticed here too that you referred to the second group of people in your example as ‘others’- is there a particular reason for this?
Also, I feel like both of your examples show how kind and considerate a person you evidently are. 

@FloatingFeather  I’m totally loving the emphasis on being yourself rather than compromising or hiding as many feel a need to do so often. I think your point about trust is super important too, and I love your turtle analogy! As @tonys said, it’s soo good!!

The turtle analogy/ metaphor also reminded me of this  I've seen 😊

 

While I believe it was initially/ originally created for our wonderful friends who may identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, the sentiment resonates with me in a lot of other ways too, including your wonderful metaphor @FloatingFeather  💚 On which note, to anyone who may be reading along that needs this- it's ok to stay in your shell and/or take your time to emerge if that's what you need to do safety wise , for example 💗