I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’ve packed the dishwasher and that’s it @Ru-bee. I don’t care to do anymore. 

Do you think it would be ok to just write today off? I’m struggling with accepting that. 

My new routine isn’t much. It’s get up, make my bed, have breakfast, feed the dogs and have a shower and get dressed. So I’m not really expecting much from myself. 

[Captain24]

I’m not doing very well

[rav3n]

hey @Captain24!! what's been happening for you? how's the leave going?

[Captain24]

Today I’ve got nothing @rav3n. I did really well yesterday but today I’ve failed. 

I’ve written down all the things I want to get done while I’m off so hopefully the rest of my time off goes better than today. 

I’ve spent most of the day in bed. I’m back in here now. 

[rav3n]

what makes you think you've 'failed' today? @Captain24 

the list sounds like a good idea to keep you busy and moving! but at the same time, don't forget to take breaks and rest up too. is the list on pause for today or are you looking to keep going through a few more?

[Captain24]

The only things I have done in my list for today is have breakfast, have lunch (yes.. I have to write them down) and pack the dishwasher. @rav3n I just can’t do anymore. I’m feeling really low. I don’t know if it’s just me and that I’m a loser or whether the withdrawals have kicked in earlier or if I’m just useless

I was suppose to bath both dogs and change all my bed linen and clean out some of the drawers in my room. 

Massive fail! 

[rav3n]

oh you write down meals too? i add them on my to-do lists as well @Captain24 

hmm my bets on the withdrawals! you've accomplished 3 things off the list today. getting the motivation to even do one of those can be hard! let's move those tasks to tomorrow, and see how you go? and you can always move it again if you've reached your capacity.

i like to think of our energy/motivation like batteries. maybe we started with 30% today and you might need the extra rest to recharge for tomorrow so you can start at maybe 60% instead? 

i like to call this, massive effort instead!!

[Captain24]

If I don’t write down meals I won’t do it @rav3n. I’m struggling right now with the idea of dinner. I don’t feel like I’ve done enough to have earnt it intake wise. That voice is really loud and winning. 

The withdrawals shouldn’t have kicked in so soon. But having decreased by half may be the reason. Only one more week and I’m off them. So this week and next week if withdrawal and I’m done! 

I’ll have to move them til Wednesday. I have a psych appointment tomorrow and that’s when I’d be bathing the dogs. So I’ll do tomorrow’s list before my appointment and then some of Wednesday to catch up. If that doesn’t work I’m going to end up in a really bad way. I need to push myself so hard. If I don’t push then I’m not happy. If I don’t push then I can’t prove I’m being recovery focused and don’t deserve help

I won’t go to bed so late tonight either. Just the regular 10 and see if that works better for me. 

[AuntGlow]

Hey @Captain24!

Just letting you know I am here tonight if you need to chat. ☺️💛

[Captain24]

Hi @AuntGlow 

Rough day. 

How was your weekend?