I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I hope it gets easier. I can only try and hope. I don’t want to feel this exhausted all the time. 

The closest beach is 4 hours away. @rav3n. 

It’s the mindfulness in it. It’s the watching of the waves and hearing them crash. They are different every time. It’s the feeling of being out with them. The veracity of the ocean. The peace that it create. The feeling of being part of it. Being out in weather. I just love the water. 

I can try and see if YouTube or something works. 

I love friends. I have seen every episode. I just watched bewitched and now watching ‘ I dream of Jeannie’

[Captain24]

It was pouring and so cold and I got so wet. @AuntGlow. It was a good excuse to get me away a little earlier though. 

As for rejuvenated it’s hard, I enjoyed my time away I really enjoyed Sunday with that friend. I really enjoyed the beach yesterday morning before my appointment. My appointment was good and so was the hug. But it has made me realise that I have been working too hard and pushing myself. I got really tired while I was away and I think it’s because I stopped. It allowed me to rest. So maybe it was more eye opening and my psych appointment made me realise a lot of things. 

Pix is knackered. It’s so cute. Jett is sleeping a lot but still has to follow me around. 

A roof over your head is so important. A place to feel comfortable and homely. 

The two tasks is difficult. Right now I’m struggling with anything but when I get my mojo back I want to be able to keep going but that’s not helpful. My psych likened it to being on a bus and I need to get off before it crashes. 

It was hard. Trying to let the feelings slide. Trying to accept them and sit with them. I don’t think I did it right or very well. Opening up that can has left me feeling very vulnerable and exposed. I don’t feel good. I think my psych session has bought up so much. 

[tyme]

Howdy partner @Captain24  🙂

How'd you go today? Were you kind to yourself?

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

Not really. 

I did a lot of sleeping. Just so tired. I did try though with the dropping anchor. I need more practice. 

I need to find a way to be kind to myself. 

How did your task go on your sticky note?

[tyme]

Good on you @Captain24 . It sounds like your body needed to just relax and sleep. Please don't get angry at yourself for having these days once in a while. 

My BIG task on the sticky note is complete. I'm just waiting on someone to send me some documents so I can tick off the last item. 

Then I'll write new sticky notes tomorrow. 

I find the sticky notes really help me get things done. As I was doing my work today, I keep having your name pop up in my head! Then the self talk: "I gotta do it for Cap. I gotta do it for Cap!" So the task took a few hours, but I did it!

Thanks for your help!

So, with tomorrow, my main task is sorting out my life for the next sticky notes. Beside that, I'm not sure what else I need to do. 

What's on your list for tomorrow?

[Captain24]

My body has had enough @tyme Im just so beaten. I am angry at myself but at the same time I’m too tired to care. My body feels so heavy. It feels like everything is hard work. 

Im glad you got the big thing done and plans in place for the last one. It must feel good. I’m glad I was in your head and helping. It’s nice to be able to have a reason to complete and someone that appreciates what you have done and be able to share it with. 

Im glad to help. 

And it all starts again. More sticky notes! At least it’s a list of things that need to be done and not forgotten 

Tomorrow I want to clean the kitchen, unpack the dishwasher but id really like to start sorting the last room. I just don’t know if I can but I’ll try. 

I feel sick again. I don’t know if it’s the meds or if it’s exhaustion. 

[tyme]

Sounds like your body's been through the battlefield! @Captain24 

Okay. So for you tomorrow, you've got one room to tackle and the kitchen to get sorted.

Acually, do you have much in the 'last' room to have to sort?

Can you go easy on yourself tonight and just go back to bed? you've just been away for a few days. It sounds like you just need sleeep!

[Captain24]

I feel like it @tyme. It’s a real struggle right now. 

Yeah, kitchen and last room. That’s my aim and I will try my best. But please don’t be disappointed if I don’t get it finished. There isnt really a lot just needs a tidy and some things put back in place. Plus some ironing. 

Im just sitting on the lounge feeling sorry for myself. 

Just remembered that I have a chiropractor appointment in the morning so I’ll do some grocery shopping while I’m out. 

[AuntGlow]

Sorry for my delay @Captain24, I have been doing some mandatory trainings this evening. ☺️

Restful and eye-opening, this is really positive. It sounds like you had quite a few moments of joyful connection, and I think we need to sit with and acknowledge that - it might be helpful to recall that these moments are possible during the heavier times as well. 

I can see you got so much from your psychologist appointment. Did it feel nice to be in person?

I think we need more pup pics. 👀

Goodness, it really does sound like you're exhausted. I think slowly introducing more balance will be helpful. So I know I am understanding, is it the thoughts of not doing enough that make it hard to slow down? 💛

It's so, so normal for a psych session to leave us feeling vulnerable. I think that is when we need to rely on our supports and strategies even more than usual... what could that look like this week?