I can’t cope

[tyme]

Ruby is really good. She's got to be - she's got the youngest kid to terrorise her! 

I think I'll be too embarrased to get a photo of Ruby lol.. my amateur hacking job??? But yeah, Ruby just sits there.

As for tomorrow, I'm going to organise my brain... that's my plan anyway. Who knows what will become of it?

I need to get through tonight. I'm going to write a sticky note for things I need to do tonight first lol @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I’m glad she is so good @tyme. I get the no photos! 😂 

Im not sure it possible to organise a brain. Mine doesn’t stop. 

Do you have much to do tonight? I get writing it all down. 

If I’m annoying you just say so. I’d rather people be honest. 

[tyme]

Nah, you're not annoying me. My brain is just full. I didn't realise but I think I started the last post I sent you about 30 mins ago.. in my head I thought I sent it, but I didnt' because I wanted to write more and was coming back to it. I had 3 posts open and was writing each one simultaneously lol... that's my brain!!!!

If you come into my brain for a day, you gotta bring your hiking boots and be prepared to get lost!

@Captain24 

I'm 'drawing' my brain in my mind as I type lol. It's a jungle!

[Captain24]

I hope you really mean that I’m not annoying you. @tyme 

My mind is telling me lots of negative things. Lots. 

A jungle ay? That sounds like a lot. Mine is racing but then just shuts down.  I don’t know which is better. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. 

[tyme]

My brain is a think jungle. And your brain is....???

Yoou mentioned that you feel you are on the verge of a breakdown. What does this look like for you?

Are you able to call someone to speak to them?

Lifeline 13 11 14

SCBS 1300 659 467

@Captain24 

[Captain24]

I told my psych that my brain is f’ed up. @tyme. The thoughts are really unhelpful. It’s like it’s telling me that I have to do things (like jobs) Then it tells me to keep going. It tells me that I’m not good enough if I don’t do enough. If I stop it tells me I’m useless.  I just can’t win. My body is exhausted but so is my mind as it doesn’t stop. Then it’ll completely shut down and I just can’t think or focus or do anything. 

It feels like I’m just going to break. Fall in a shattered heap. Lose control. Lose function. Lose capability. Lose myself 

[tyme]

And what would happen if you take the spectator's seat when listening to these thoughts @Captain24 ?

Allow them to keep coming... watch them float away?

[Captain24]

This is stupid but it brings on anxiety. @tyme. My heart races and my mind spins and the thought of allowing them. I fight them constantly. Allowing them feels like I’m letting them take control. But at the same time I know that they have control. I don’t know that I’m capable of it. 

[tyme]

Precisely my point. The more you 'fight' them, the more they take ground have have control. But if you allow them, watch them, and let them float in and out, they will soon have less 'power' and ground @Captain24 

It's an unsual concept, but it works. 

I can say I 100% relate to what is happening for you right now and what you are doing to fight them is what we all instinctively do... but from my experience, it makes the thoughts stronger

[Captain24]

I’ll try but I don’t have faith in it. It’ll be another one of those things that takes practise @tyme. Sometimes I get tired of having to try so hard. Why does it not come easily to me? Is it because I'm so dumb? Or just that I’m hopeless?