I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I go back to work on Wednesday @AuntGlow. It’ll be so hard to get up at 4:30 and be switch on until I get home at 8 that night! 

[tyme]

Heyaaaa @Captain24 !!!

Wow! The meds! Wow! 

How are you feelingn today with them? It sounds like such a relief for you.

How is Jett????

[Captain24]

Heeyyy @tyme 

How you going? 

My mind is busy and focus is not great but better than it has been. 

I didn’t sleep well last night so when I got up my mind was racing but I took a tablet and it slowed down. I managed to so much today, including whipper snipper and mowing front and back yard! It doesn’t help with the procrastination though! I can take them in the morning and again in the afternoon. So I just need to figure out what works for me and juggle them at work too. That’ll be a test this week and on nightshift!! 

Jett is doing so much better. He is sleeping a lot but he is medicated. He has been running around and playing today and been annoying so he is feeling better. Pretty close to his normal self 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 maybe you're weird hun, but cool weird like me 😋 I was called weird almost every day of my young life, till one day I decided to embrace it rather than fight it - it became my armour in a way, because whenever people call me weird now I am just like 'Oh thanks! Teehee!'

What is normal? Normal is a construct. It doesn't exist. Besides, if every human were 'normal' we'd all be the same and that sounds agonisingly boring. I think what you want is to feel like you belong. That is sooooo core to the human experience too. It's something we all yearn for, so it makes sense that you are trying to find the ways to get that sense of acceptance and connection. 

Your friends you caught up with recently, they obviously accept you - what do you like to connect over? What things bring you closer together? Do you think they are 'normal' and see you as 'normal'? 

Was it at least a nice day out? Ugh sounds like a sour end to the day for sure 😑

[tyme]

Good to hear @Captain24 . I look forward to hearing how it goes over the next few weeks. Is this something you keep having to go back to the psych for a prescription? That would be the painful side of things if you do. 

Also, I'm so glad Jett is pretty much back to his regular self.  Is your mum still going to get another dog?

[Captain24]

I don’t know that I can embrace it. @Jynx. I don’t have the confidence to stand out. Which is why I’m desperate to fit in. 

The one I went to Kiama with, we just click. I don’t know how to describe it. We have since we met. I actually sent her a message today “I need to tell someone and you are my someone. I feel great today!” We just connect so well. There is no changing who we are when we are together. We accept each other as is. The other friend I change myself when I’m with her. 

It was a really good day. She did ruin it but I chose to focus on the rest of the day. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt cause it did a lot. 

[Captain24]

I will keep you up to date with how it goes and when I find what works best @tyme. 

I don’t know.. I didn’t think to ask that question. There is a date on the bottle that the script can’t be filled before. I thought that was strange until I thought about what they are and how others would want them. 

She will just don’t know when. I would say in the next 12 months. 

How was your weekend? 

[tyme]

I was out today, but not busy busy. I was just getting things done after church this morning. @Captain24  Then I've been home since. 

So yeah, not much.

Do you have to meal prep now that you are going to work on Wed?

[Captain24]

Sounds like a pretty good day @tyme. Nice and chilled after everything you have been doing. 

Yeah I do. I don’t know what to prep though. Today I wasn’t hungry at lunch and then forgot to have it. But then if I’m at work will I get hungry? Do I need something light to go with these meds. Do I need something substantial.. I just don’t know. My mind is all over the place if you can’t tell! 😂 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 maybe it's not about one or the other, but finding the balance of both? It's nice to be thought of, it's nice to have people lift us up - but not so much if we're being thought of and lifted up for the wrong reasons. I guess what I'm trying to say is - yes, it is good to find ways to fit in. Just don't make yourself smaller or less than who you are to win the approval of those you wish to fit in with. If they don't like you for your authentic self, they're not your people.

How do you think your other friend would react to you if you were unmasked/acted like you do with your closer friend?