I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 quitting smoking is a great goal to have, but I'm hearing your psychologist's concerns about doing it while you're already going through the change of not having that support for a while. I'm glad you guys were able to talk about it and that you felt comfortable to name the reaction you noticed in your psychologist.

Aiming to reduce for the time being instead could be a good idea, as it's still a step towards quitting. 

I just wanted to share a quick story about quitting, I hope that's okay: My partner has been trying to quit smoking, or rather he has had lots of attempts in the past few years. His best one was last year when he replaced smoking with going for runs, he went over 100 days with no smokes! he has since been smoking here and there, sometimes once a week, sometimes one or 2 a day, but overall he is doing so much better than where he was a with it a year ago, and is in a much better position to quit again completely when he's ready. The whole thing has shown me 1. How hard it can be to quit and 2. that slipping up does not erase all the hard-earned progress and 3. that it's important to give yourself some grace (I think this one is always important, but especially when you're trying to quit an addiction)

I think even that you're talking about this and planning for it are some huge steps forward

[Captain24]

Hey @Ru-bee 

I hear her concerns. We read each other pretty well. I just went and paid a couple of bills and they were more than I thought so I actually don’t have any money to buy food let alone smokes. 

I quit last year for 165 days and then went to hospital and started smoking again under a psych’s suggestion! Everyone says how bad it is for you but MH wise while they don’t encourage they are very careful with when. 

Thank you for sharing. It gives me hope. It’s good to know that he can cope with only a couple here and there. Maybe I can get to that. It’s really hard. Apparently it’s harder then and addiction to heroin to beat. That’s what they told me when I was with community health. 

I need to listen to her and not feel I have let myself down. I guess it’s a case of keep trying and I’ll get there one day. 

[Captain24]

I’ve been lying in bed for the last hour and a half. I haven’t done that much lately but after my psych appointment I needed to. It was a good appointment and I enjoyed chatting to her but now I feel exhausted and have an empty tank. Is this normal? It was a good appointment though, we got through a lot. 

[Ru-bee]

Psychology sessions can be draining @Captain24 

I used to always try to schedule mine on days where I could just do nothing afterwards in case I was wiped. It sounds like you covered a lot of ground in today's sessions which would make sense that you're feeling tired today

[Captain24]

I thought that because it was such a good appointment that I’d be feeling good @Ru-bee. I did expect to fall flat on my arse. We did cover a lot though. 

[Captain24]

I’m so glad that you are feeling more organised with your sticky notes and having some achievement. It feels good when you get things ticked off. @tyme 

How did you go today with today’s ones

[Captain24]

I’m not doing real well. I just cooked dinner and the pot hit the sink and then half it went on the floor and the boiling water also splashed on me. Then I tried to put the pot back on the stove but forgot the tea towel so yes I then burnt my hands. 

Is it stupid of me to let this derail me anymore? 

[tyme]

What's happening for you @Captain24 ? Sounds like the brain has a mind of its own tonight.

What'd you get up to today?

[Captain24]

I don’t know what’s going on. It was just suppose to be so simple. When I picked up the pot I didn’t even have the sense to pot it down but I still put it where I wanted it to go. My hands are sore @tyme 

I had my last psych appointment today for 8 weeks. We talked about lots of stuff, we covered everything I wanted to. But this afternoon I felt really drained and exhausted. I don’t get why as it was a good appointment. 

How did today’s sticky notes go? I’m so happy that you have been going well with them and feeling good about it. 

[tyme]

Maybe then it's about being kind to yourself and being okay that there maybe isn't a valid reason to it happening - and that's okay?

I think we can be our own worst critic sometimes. When in actual fact, our bodies and brains are doing exactly what they are meant to do. 

I'm here if you want to talk about it, but I'm also here if you wanted to move on to talk about something else.  Depends on what you feel is helpful.

As for the sticky notes, I need to rewrite them. There are a lot of sticky notes so I want to write them properly so I have them 'right'... then I can start on them properly. 

I'm going to rewrite them tonight after I log off. @Captain24 

What do you have on the agenda today?

I treated the kids tonight. I bought them krispy kreme doughnuts, sushi, spanish churros with nutella, dulce and milk chocolate!