I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Feeling a sense of rejection but I guess that’s me. 

[AuntGlow]

Good afternoon @Captain24, 

How are you feeling today? 

I am so sorry to hear that the beginning of your shift the other night didn't feel good, but it seems like it really picked up at the end! I am so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and exploring connection. It must have felt really nice to be included and to feel a part of the team. Would you go again?

I smiled so much reading this. The fact you are able to see when things feel more regulated and why vs. when you're overstimulated and why is huge. You've made so much progress. 

I think it's a matter of continuing to do what you just shared: noticing. Recognising where the dysregulation might be coming from and what you need. For example, you ate and then afterwards you felt better. Sometimes the simplest of things can be helpful. This is also a great opportunity to practice dropping anchor. 💛

[Captain24]

Hey @AuntGlow 

Im feeling overwhelmed, tired and down.

I had an ultrasound this morning and feel dirty and violated. But they did find something so now I have to wait until I see my GP next Wednesday to find out what is next. I just see it as more money. But it probably involves surgery. I’m not really keen for that. 

Im now sitting at the hairdresser and had to make small talk. She has gone now while my hair ‘cooks’. It’ll be a big day before I even get home. 

It was nice to be included. We didn’t stay very long, like about 10 minutes. But I was good and a saw some people that work on the other side and don’t usually see them anymore. 

I am making progress in all of this new stuff. Just being able to understand what I feel and why. I keep doing research and taking notice of myself. I usually end up overstimulated after having may hair done and the internal ultrasound just adds to it all today. 

I’ve made a shopping list to buy food to have for dinners so I’m not eating the same thing. If there is a car park I’ll go after this. If not I’ll have to go early tomorrow morning. 

I went to the mental health group again last night. It was a little better, I did talk a little bit but nothing about myself. It’s mostly about ‘the book’ but there was room for discussion around people’s problems if they wanted help. I think it’s kinda only one person a week though. They did organise a coffee catch up in just under 2 weeks. I agreed to go so we will see how that goes. 

[AuntGlow]

Oh, I have had one of those too and it can feel really uncomfortable, can't it? How are you feeling at the moment? @Captain24 

I really hope that whatever results come back, they are able to treat it in the most affordable and least invasive way possible. 

Health stuff is really tough. 😣

Small talk at the hairdresser can be so exhausting, can't it? 😅

Such a positive experience for you. 

Perhaps you can take the evening slow? Is that possible?

Oooh, what's on the menu this week?

It sounds like you're really opening up to new connections and experiences, Captain! 🤩

[Captain24]

I’m feeling really exhausted, so exhausted that I just want to cry. Today has been very overwhelming. 

It was horrible @AuntGlow. But I’m guessing there is more to come. Then to remove the polyp, if that’s what they decide, they have to go in again. My hairdresser had hers done here years ago so I’m hoping that they still do it here. It’s so much hassle as I can’t drive after a sedation so that means someone has to come with me and someone has to look after the dogs. 

Oh the small talk. She is pretty good at asking questions and talking so it helps me be able to communicate. But even communicating is so hard. 

There was a car park so my shopping is done and now I don’t have to leave the house until Sunday. I got stuff for carbonara, stuff for an omelet and with the eggs I might make curried egg sandwiches for lunch and I got gnocchi and salsa as well. So I have a few options but whether I do them or not is the thing. 

I have stuff that I want to do this afternoon but I think I’ll just stop. I’m spent for the day. The emotional toll has been a lot. 

I am trying to put myself out there. Trying not to say no to things to help me move forward. Plus I now know that the adhd and ASD make things harder but I can work on making them not affect my life. 

[Captain24]

 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ! How are you?

LOL, too funny. I love the pic. I was reading the "Progress happens in layers" and then I saw the tortoise (turtle), then I put layers and turtle together to make.... TURTLE CHIPS! LOL...

My brain is strange.

How was your day? Did you end up catching up with anyone?

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

Thats the way our brains are wired! Random thoughts. 

Im exhausted and feel quite overwhelmed. 

I had my ultrasounds today. I had the option to not do it but I just took a deep breath and did it. Lucky I did. I don’t have POCS but I do have a polyp in my uterus. So I now have to wait until my GP appointment next week to find out what happens next. But I felt dirty and violated. It brought up something that I put to the back of my mind. 

Then I had my hair done so I sat at the hairdressers for 2 hours. 

Today has been big. 

No catch ups for 10 days. Gives me time to prepare. 

How was your day? How are your sticky notes going? 

[tyme]

Yes @Captain24 , our brains are weird. 

Now that you say it, I remember that the last time I had to do the ultrasound, it was for PCOs too. That was when I was on the medication for bipolar. Supposedly, it's common? Is that right?

I totally get how triggering it could've been for you. I'm so glad you took a deep breath and did it. 

I hope it's all okay and nothing too concerning comes out of it. 

See it as you've achieved something today. Well done.

As for the sticky notes, I wrote out a few today so I can start finishing them off. 

I'm going camping next week, so I won't really be online. I'll pop in once every so often, but I'm off for the week. (I prefer to be working, but I have to use up the leave!)

Taking the kids away. Only 2 hrs away or so. Not too far.

What's on your agenda for tomorrow?

[Captain24]

I don’t know if the meds affect it or not @tyme. I have irregular periods and I’m fat and I have a hairy face. Plus a huge family history of it. So the GP was just checking. The lady doing the ultrasound said that it will probably be benign but that it will probably be removed and tested. 

She was funny she told me to take deep breaths and I said I already was and she laughed! 

Yeah. Today was an achievement. I could have backed out but I didn’t. Then I had to do small talk for 2 hours. I’ve done nothing all afternoon. 

Im glad you are in the mojo of getting through them. Crossing them off must feel good. 

OH NO… I need you on Wednesday after my appointment 😢. I guess we wouldn’t cross paths anyway as I’ll be on nightshift. Can’t take any sick leave as I’ll need it for appointments with the gynaecologist and surgery if that happens. I’ll tag you on Wednesday just incase you see it. I don’t think anyone else will care. 

Camping doesn’t sound like fun to me but I know you all enjoy it. You deserve a break from us. And yes that leave!!! 

At least it won’t take long to get there. That’s as far as my gynaecologist appointments will probably be. That’s how far I travel for a half hour dermatologist appointment! 

I have the job list from today to do and I want to change all my bedlinen and bath the dogs too. I’m not sure how well I will function though after today. 

Do you have anything other than sticky notes.