I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I ruined that safety feeling the other weekend @AuntGlow. It’s my own fault. I’m trying really hard but I don’t feel like this is a safe space again yet. I guess it’ll come but it’ll take me a long time. I just know I’ll get banned and that is rejection and we know I don’t cope with that very well. 

I’ve just had a shower and I can’t separate my thoughts or

my feelings. It’s just a jumbled mess. I even tried to picture the beach and it just doesn’t do it for me either and that’s my happy place. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Sorry you are feeling so low about this. Please know we are here to support you. We can ride this wave together. 

Hugs.

[AuntGlow]

Not at all - we are still here, see? @Captain24 

Let's work on some more grounding together tomorrow. 🫶

[Captain24]

Today is a new day. I’ll see what happens. @AuntGlow @tyme. Maybe it’ll be a better day.

I’m hoping I get my sense of safety and my confidence back one day. It’ll take me a while though. I’m not trying to be difficult it’s just how I feel right now. Please know that I know it’s my own fault and not you guys. I really appreciate the support in this. 

There’s a lot going on in my world and all I want to do is go back to bed and forget but alas I have to go to work. I shouldn’t be there but I need to save my sick leave. 

[AuntGlow]

Good afternoon @Captain24, 

It's okay for safety to take time... we will still be here and we are able to sit in that space of healing with you. Big breath - it's all okay, I promise. 

I can really hear how much is coming up for you, it sounds like a break (or a change?) would be really helpful. 

What is one thing you have control over today, in terms of your self-care? 💛

[Captain24]

There’s a lot coming up but I won’t share the details. I don’t want to get into trouble @AuntGlow 

Do you mean a break from the forums cause I’ll go if you want me too. 

I worked all day and just got home so there was no self care. I don’t even know what to do right now

[tyme]

Aloha @Captain24 !

Good to see you 🙂

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

How was your day? 

[tyme]

I was at office for the larger part of today. Got a fair bit of planning done @Captain24 . A few reports written. That's about it. 

What about you? What'd you get up to? What time did you start work?

When there is daylight savings, what's happens with your work?

[Captain24]

Planning is good though. Do you go to the office very often? @tyme 

I left here at 5:30 but start at 6:50. I like to be early. I don’t do late! I panic if I leave at 5:35! 

It was a hectic day. I was flat out all day. I was barely able to stop for a toilet break! 

Last year we finished at ‘normal’ time so they docked an hours pay. We work until 5:20am on nightshift with the option of finishing at 7:10. I do the late one, more money and drive home in the daylight! This year everyone has to work a 10.5 hour shift so they will leave at the new time of 6:20 and those of us that stay, if they have work for us, leave at 7:10. So if they keep me I lose an hours pay but it’s considered voluntary overtime. 

I don’t know if that makes any sense? It’s easier to say it than type it