I can’t cope

[Captain24]

   

[Captain24]

Pixie is now on antihistamines hopefully they help her fully recover from Saturdays massive scare. She is looking better and I think she is feeling better. When mum went to take them for a walk yesterday there was fear in her eyes. She was ok once she knew that she was in the pram. Poor little baby. I’m just glad she is still with me. 

Pix is the only reason that I’m alive.With out her I would have ended my life years ago 

[AuntGlow]

Good evening, lovely! @Captain24 

How are you feeling? How is little Pix going tonight? 🥺

I am really glad you decided to take a day for you on Friday. I know how hard it can be to say no to work and yes to ourselves. How was the day off?

The tap routine sounds SO fun. I am shocking at tap haha would you ever go to a tap class again?

Thank you, that's a really kind affirmation! A few things are coming my way that are asking me to expand, so I guess I have to jump in??

Oh gosh, of course you were worried about Pix. I am so sorry for my delay! This would have been really scary for you to sit with alone. In moments like this, I wonder who else you could reach out to? 

I get the sense there are people who would really want to be there for you, if you decided to reach out. But I can understand why your mind might think otherwise at times - mine does too. 💛

[Captain24]

Hi @AuntGlow 

I was at work last night and I’ve got tonight as well. It’s feeling really hard to be at work at the moment and I really don’t know why. It was an okish shift but I just struggled. 

Mum said Pix was good last night and hasn’t had any reaction to the human antihistamines. When I got home this morning she wanted to play and started running around with Jett. I had to pick her up, if she plays, gets over excited or exercises she could die. It’s actually really extreme. She looks heaps better though. Hopefully the antihistamines work and her breathing settles down and she can go back to semi normal. She will be able to do everything just not get overheated. I’ve just got to get her through this hurdle safely. 

I slept in and did a 3D puzzle plus finished one of my resin coasters. I didn’t really do much. Just a day of nothing. 

It was a lot of fun, I even won first place in an eisteddfod with it! I don’t think I’ll go back to any dancing anymore. My bestie kinda ruined it for me. She continually told me that I wasn’t doing well and put me down a lot. She also pulled me out of a lot of things. I’ve lost my passion for it. 

Sometimes I can be nice, just not very often. You can jump in or just take each one as it comes. Like not get overwhelmed by it all. One step at a time. If that’s at all possible? 

It’s ok. I know that we don’t chat just a one off message every now and then so I wasn’t expecting you to see it on Sunday anyway. I wasn’t relying on anyone here. I just kinda needed to get it out somewhere as I have isolated myself from everybody. I didn’t really know who, in my life, that I could turn too. 

Maybe they might but I don’t want to get hurt or rejected and that’s always my first thought. I don’t need anymore pain right now. I’m struggling with the pain I’ve already got.