I can’t cope

[AuntGlow]

Hey @Captain24, 

Thinking of you today - how are you? 💛

[Captain24]

Hey @AuntGlow 

Im a little impressed with my new medication. 

How are you? 

[AuntGlow]

Oh? That's amazing news! What feels impressive about it? @Captain24 🤩

Honestly, I am bloody exhausted! haha but truckin' along. 

I saw my housemate perform in a show last night, which was fun - we are talking about creating something together soon. 🥳

What are you up to this weekend? 

[Captain24]

It’s for adhd and has slowed my brain down so much that I can actually relax and focus. I’m watching tv and can actually get into it. @AuntGlow. I just have to watch for mania but the Pdoc thinks with all the other meds I’m on it should hold it at bay. But now I’m focusing on how I feel and what I feel. I guess it’ll take a few days for me to feel comfortable.

I also got diagnosed with ASD. Shame there is nothing that can be done about that. It does explain a lot though. Like why I can be a bad friend. Why I’m not empathetic enough. Why I don’t connect. Why I can’t talk to people. 

I had Jett at the vet today and $500 later I came home. He has stopped vomiting and starting to look a little better. He has a little bit of his spark back. 

What have you been doing to be so exhausted? A show sounds good. Coming up with your own sounds amazing!!! 

I was suppose to mow the lawn today but it has been drizzling and sleeting snow with a feels like temperature of -1.2 so I have stayed indoors! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day 

[AuntGlow]

Well, this is amazing news!! It truly does slow things down, doesn't it? It sounds like being more present and grounded is accessible for you tonight.  @Captain24 🤩

Many of my friends have adhd or are on the autism spectrum, and they are some of the best people I know! And I think it can be easy to internalise the message that we're unable to connect in the ways we 'should' if we aren't neurotypical, but I can imagine the people that are for you will really be for you. You know? Like your friend you've mentioned - where the connection just flows. ☺️

Aww poor baby. That must be so scary to see either one of your little pups unwell...

I know!! I will update you as I go without giving too much away. 

I think the move was a big one tbh... as well as just navigating all of life's everyday challenges, like relationships and health, etc. 

I have been listening to podcasts about detachment and I want to learn more about the neuroscience of manifestation. Do you you know much about it? 🤔

[Captain24]

It has. I’m not sure how much as I didn’t do anything today. I’ll see how tomorrow goes when I’ve got stuff to do @AuntGlow 

Yeah I connect with R like I’ve never connected before. Even with my bestie. I just have to embrace it and know that when I say and do stupid stuff that it’s the way I’m wired. Sounds good but I have a long way to go! 

It wasn’t too bad. I knew he was just sick and I knew he would get a needle just didn’t realise the blood tests. They were just for making sure there was nothing wrong and he hasn’t had any before so now they have a baseline to work off in the future. He squealed so much with the needles that it echoed in the room! The vet just touched him without the needle the second time and he squealed. It was horrible. 

That would be good within anonymity of course. 

The move would have taken a lot. Plus having a housemate after not having one and learning how to work together. How is it going? 

Nah.. don’t know anything about it. Does it resonate with you? 

[AuntGlow]

That's a good plan, I am sure it will create more space for you @Captain24. I hope this reminds you that you aren't inherently flawed or incapable - your brain just processes differently. 🥰

And to know people really love you for you is the best feeling. 

Awww that would have made me cry! What a brave boy. 

I think we will work with the concept of unshackling shame (a forever inner process for me!). 

Yeah, absolutely... well, it's lovely because we both work in the same fields and are emotional creatures... but I am a bit more of a clean freak, so I can feel myself wanting to control the environment a lot hahah I feel like you might resonate with this.

It does! But as something I need to work on... I think healthy detachment can allow more room for things to be exactly what they are going to be. It takes a lot of trust in ourselves to detach though, so it's not easy. As for manifestation, it makes sense that things we put our focus and attention on will naturally grow. But considering we all have such a hard-wired negativity bias for survival, this is also really tough! 

I will keep you posted on my learnings. 

Please let me know how you go too. Always here to listen to your reflections and so happy to see your growth. Chat tomorrow. ☺️

[Captain24]

I knew I was different @AuntGlow. I always have been. I have always said random things at random times and inappropriate times. But working on myself and acknowledging that I am actually different may allow for acceptance. I’m going to try anyway. It’s going to take some work though. But that’s what psych’s are for. 

Oh he is a sook. I was glad there was no one in the waiting room when I got out! Hopefully no more needles until his vaccination in February! 

It’s great that you have a lot in common that makes it easier. I’ve been cleaning lots while I’ve been off but I need to try and clean today but it’s my mess. I couldn’t cope if there was stuff that needed cleaning because of others. 

Ot sounds interesting. 

Im trying to grow. I think im in a better headspace for it some of the time. Just have to work on the really bad days but they could be caused by ADHD or ASD. So that is interesting. 

[AuntGlow]

I like the idea of acceptance. What do you imagine that could look like in practice? @Captain24 

When do you see your psych next?

It is interesting to think about how your more challenging days could be related to ADHD/ASD. Do you think knowing that may allow you to be more gentle with yourself too? 💛

[Captain24]

I don’t k ow what it looks like @AuntGlow but I guess I’ll figure it out in time.

I see my psych on Tuesday so it’ll be an interesting appointment. 

Im not sure whether I’ll be able to be gentle but that may come with time as well and a lot of therapy. 😂