I can’t cope

[Jynx]

omg what!! That is horrible to hear, I am so sorry @Captain24 - are you both ok? And Jett too? 

[Captain24]

It was 30 degrees here today and mum insists on walking them in the afternoon and long walks too. A couple of km’s. (Hope that’s ok as it’s not exact). They make Pix try and keep up with the other two. They are both 2 years old and Pix is 6 with tiny little legs and overweight. She got heat stroke and they had to call the emergency vet. She couldnt walk, just kept vomiting and her tongue swelled and went blue. She had severe heatstroke! Mum didn’t think the vet was going to make it in time. She spent an hour and a half on oxygen to try and keep her alive. @Jynx 

If her breathing doesn’t improve she has to have X-rays and see what damage has been done. I’m scared for my little girl. I haven’t cried because I’m so f’ing pissed off that she only thinks of herself and what is best for her. Never thinks of poor little Pix who we know suffers badly with the heat. Pix isn’t allowed to exercise so she has to go in the pram while they walk in the heat of the afternoon! I’ve put ice packs in the pram for them to freeze so she doesn’t over heat. 

Pix has allergies and needs to have antihistamines. The vet is going to give me the details on Monday of what to get and how much to give her. 

Jett was really stressed when pix was in hospital and wasn’t around. He knew she was sick and was anxious. 

Im so annoyed. I’m so angry. I’m so hurt. I’m so scared for my poor little girl. I’m also scared at how much that has just cost me. She needed the treatment and I’m happy they did it to save her but it just shouldn’t have happened. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Oh hun 🥺How absolutely mortifying!! I think anger is a valid reaction to something like this - it often stems from fear or hurt, and this is a bit of both - fear for her health, and hurt that your mother was careless.

So, SO sorry that you and your furbabies are going through this. And poor little Jett, I hope you two are spending all the time together that you can.

Is lil Pix still in the vet's care? 

[Captain24]

No.. Pix is here with me and I’ve finally cooled her down enough to have stopped panting and be comfortable. 

@Jynx.… I nearly lost her. Like nearly lost her. My heart is broken. The realisation has just hit me. I could have lost my beautiful little girl. I love her so so so so much. I’m crying now, I’m struggling to breathe, I’m shaking, my chest is tight, I have a pounding headache. I’m not really coping. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 makes sense for it all to come crashing down once the shock has worn off a bit. It's okay to be a total mess - you nearly lost a family member, really. 

Deep breaths ok? I know it probably feels totally overwhelming - grief always is. Lil Pix is a fighter tho! She has you there to look out for her, and she'll feel your care and your love. 

I hope she makes a swift recovery hun. Sending some thoughts and healing vibes to you both, and I'll catch you next week. We gotchu 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

[Captain24]

It it wasn’t for Pix I wouldn’t be alive today @Jynx. I’d have gone a couple of years ago. 

Thanks for your support. I said I wouldn’t lean on you and I’m sorry.  

are you not in tomorrow night? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 yeah for sure, she's such a special wee pup! So glad that she is recovering ok, and hope the vets come back with good news 🤞

Hey you made that decision, not me 😂 And of course we gonna support you during such a scary time!! 

Nah took the night off ages ago so I could catch up with some friends I haven't seen in a while. Plus all the prep I still wanna do for when the furniture arrives. Luckily said friends have been kind enough to say yes to me asking them for some help moving furniture around 😅

Truly, I hope Pix is ok, and that you will be too. Be gentle with yourself hun - till next time 💜

[AuntGlow]

Hello! @Captain24 

How has your weekend been? 💖

The brown snakes definitely sound scary with such little pups! I can understand why getting out in nature there would be... less than grounding. 😅

I am just thinking of ways you can connect with water and nature more regularly - does anything come to mind? 

Goodness, that would be tough! I am sure you're a great driver in this case.

Ah, funky rock sounds amazing. What was that routine like? 

Not at all easy, you're right! I am hoping to challenge myself slowly by rebuilding my tolerance for fear and discomfort. I think it will be worth it. I also need to practice self-compassion and allowing myself to be 'imperfect'. 💛

[Captain24]

I’ve been at work for the weekend @AuntGlow. I did call in sick on Friday though as I just couldn’t face going. 

I can’t figure out what to do with nature. Only laying in the backyard in the sun. We have previously had much in the local park during warmer months but Pix IS NOT allowed in the heat. She will die. She nearly did yesterday! 

Uou just get use to driving. It just becomes second nature. I drive to and from work everyday. Driving down the see my psych, the 4 hours there and 4 hours back, isn’t really a big deal, I do get tired though. If you want to go anywhere you just have to drive. 

It was a tap routine and it was awesome. Lots of stomping and kinda hip hoppy. Lots of body movements. 

Everything takes time. Be gentle with yourself and yes.. self compassion. I think slowly building your tolerance is an awesome goal. 

How has your weekend been? 

I know you didn’t get time to reply. Feeling really down and out. Feeling alone. I had no one that I could turn to to help me process Pix. I’m still really stressed about her. I just glad she got on my bed tonight so I can hear that she is breathing.

I’m a loner and prefer being alone but there is times that I need people in my life. Someone that I don’t feel a burden to. I’m just a burden to everyone. It’s not about wanting sympathy but just being listened to. Being heard. Being recognised as a someone not a no hoper nobody. 

Im sorry.. I just needed to talk and will probably delete this when I wake up anyway. 

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme @EternalFlower. I can’t get the personality test to show. I probably just stupid and get it wrong!