Lived Experience Forum

[MissG]

It is so long since I have been in here. My Bipolar Cycles have kept me all over the place. I am now just so depressed I can't stand it. What keeps me here? I have 2 horses. I have to get out of bed to feed them and rug them morning and night. Other than that I am in bed. I know I should be exercising them but I also know I should be showering but not doing that either. I feel guilty for everything. I feel so isolated yet can't stand being around ppl all at the same time. There is just no joy in life any more I can't even find the motivation to spend more time with my furbabies who were my life.... I'm just always desparate to get back to bed. I don't talk to others about it I just make ecuses if I am supposed to be somewhere. It sounds sp pathetic and I admit that's how I feel at the moment. All the usual 'self care' recommendations seem great when you are reasonably well but it's like you cross a line and are just locked in a prison all alone and nobody knows let alone understands... I've tried reaching out to lifeline a few times... I don't know where to turn any more.

[SJT63]

@MissG 

I have no words of wisdom for you. It doesn't sound pathetic it sounds like the prison you describe it as. Live for your horses if nothing else, horses are very wise and they understand even if you feel no human does. 

But I'm sure there are humans who do, humans here who will read your post and relate. 

I am not ill, I am a carer and I see my bipolar man struggle sometimes as you do. All I can offer you is my anonymous moral support, but it is freely given. You matter. Much love x

[MissG]

Thankyou xo

[outlander]

hi @MissG

lifeline is agreat in a crisis but not as a regular form of support. would you consider speaking to your gp and getting a mental health care plan?

[Caringsoul73]

Hi @MissG ,

I'd like to reach out and let you know that you're not alone in your struggle. I'm sorry to hear that you aren't well right now. 

I understand the depression with Bipolar and how difficult it can be to shift as I've had particularly terrible episodes of stubborn depression during cycles of Bipolar disorder myself.  I'm not an expert, nor am I good at advising anyone on this illness as I've had plenty of trial and error times trying to find the right course of treatment etc. 

I really wanted to reach you as a friend here, a friend that understands how hard it can be. I'm sorry you feel no one understands, that can feel terribly isolating when you are already dealing with a heavy load. 

May I ask, and purely because I care and know how important support around you is but please don't think I'm trying to be to upfront.
Have you got a doctor or therapist that can help you? Bipolar disorder can be so overwhelming, so full on that I hope you have support? It can sometimes feel very stubborn, unshiftable and hopeless I know and very much relate.  Can you approach your doctor for further guidance or more care? 

please, keep talking here in this space and keep engaging with us. You are never alone here, we are listening.  

[Maggie]

@MissG  I offer my support, and very much Hearing you.

Your horses understand. Sorry for so few words, but care is here. 💚💚💚

[DJMasters]

@MissG its great you are here, as @Caringsoul73 has said you are not alone, we are here to support you.  It is tough, especially when you feel you have to go it alone, but you are not alone here.  One step at a time and you can conquer this.  If and when you are comfortable you can share here your thoughts, feelings and such and know that you will have people here who genuinly care and want to help.

Hugs for the day 🙂

[MissG]

I do speak briefly with my GP each week to monitor meds but can't afford any therapy beyond that unfortunately thankyou for listening yes it is overwhelming

[MissG]

I have already done that and any i can get into have 'gap fees' which proves to be a problem... i am in regular contact with my GP but that's all.... i feel very disconnected from the world

[Basil]

Hey @MissG 

I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at the moment. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job taking care of your horses and trying your best to take care of yourself when things are so tough. 

If you feel you to it, I encourage you to reach out to the SANE Help Centre. It is a free call to speak to a counsellor for support. You can call on 1800 18 7264 or you can Book a Call or use the webchat function here; SANE Help Centre (10am - 10pm, Monday - Friday).

Warmest,

Basil.