Lived Experience Forum

[Bast]

Hello all 

Tis just so hard to keep on

And yet I have a reason - Baby Girl is with me again, she is here most of the time, she is ageing & yet so beautiful.

Dancing in her own mind, so alive & kitten like, behaviours that are blissful & yet suggest confusion

She has adapted since I commenced working from home, S4 C-19

However, adaptation has taken a toll upon me

I am so afraid to leave my home, accountability is so high, I am terrified to go anywhere & yet the necessity to provide in person mental health services is now so essential

I will have to somehow cope with this next week - a 30klm drive

I continue to consider negative options & yes Baby Girl is back again

I know this is just another episode & it will again pass

However, survival is of no interest again

I am endeavouring to come to terms with perhaps this time is now right, wheras it wasn't before

How come, I was meant to continue, how come I was meant to experience this, how come Baby Girl still needs me

How come, I am required to continue to practice - my wait time is now 6 weeks

I am so desolute & afraid

Perhaps the time has come to ring for support

[Zed1]

Hi @Bast 

I enjoyed reading your thoughts on your girl. Knowing you see her that way must bring you great joy in watching her grow as a little human.

Working from home is a huge change for so many and although for some it has helped others are in the same boat as you and struggle with the transition.

May i suggest on the days you feel this way to note down those exact thoughts of how happy your little one makes you.

A reminder for yourself that you are very much loved by her.

You mentioned reaching out as you feel it has reached that point. If you feel you are at the point do not hold back and reach out to the many online or over the phone resources that are now so readily available. 

You have done amazing by reaching out on this forum already and have expressed your concerns so clearly.

Again it was such a pleasure reading your thoughts on your little one, i could feel how much love you have for her.

Regards

Zed