Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Have to be up in 4 hours but don't want to go to bed. I am having regular nightmares, but at my session yesterday I started running a flashback and it's like a bad film running over and over. It is of what might have been the worst sexual assault I ever experienced and I was only 6. I would rather die then fall asleep and actually be in that film. I know if I sleep it will be as if I am 6 again and I will feel it and I will wake with all the pain.  

[The-red-centaur]

@Former-Member have you ever spoken with 1800RESPECT they've really helped me out with flash backs and nightmares. My phone is about to die so I can't chat but maybe they could help.

I'm thinking of you.

[Former-Member]

@The-red-centaur
I haven’t heard of them but thanks for the tip. Thank you again

[frog]

Hi @Former-Member just wanted to say hi and I read your post.

That's such an awful thing to deal with.

I have an app (Calm) that plays sleep stories and soundscapes which sometimes helps me replace difficult images and thoughts and get some sleep. Might be worth a try. 

Thinking of you.

[Former-Member]

@frog 

thank you, I will look for that app. Sleep took me last night/this morning and it was as bad as I knew it would be😞 

[outlander]

hello @Former-Member and welcome

im so sorry you endured such trauma in your life, can I ask if you have any supports in place such as your gp, psychologist or psychiatrist?
i can relate to the trauma you endured and also the things that come with it like the nightmares, flashbacks, depression, anxiety, paranoia and the list definently goes on hey.
im really glad you've reached out for some supports here. ill also share 2 sites that i think might be helpful especially when you aren't able to sleep or are feeling quite distressed as well.


https://www.1800respect.org.au/

https://www.blueknot.org.au/

please keep talking here too, we are here for you.

[Former-Member]

@outlander 
 
Thank you I have saved those links to look at later. I am scared tonight the suicidal thoughts have been very strong and persistent today. I have had to change gps this week as mine had been isolated because of his own health issues, so that freaks me out as I have only recently told him about my DID. My psychologist is away and I have a wonderful counsellor who goes above and beyond anything I have ever experienced before. I don't want to die but this darkness is deep , I can't keep up the pretense that my life is ok or even worth it. 

[Shaz51]

hello and hugs @Former-Member , @outlander , @frog , @The-red-centaur 

[frog]

Hello @Shaz51 and big thanks for the hugs

Hi @Former-Member @outlander @The-red-centaur thinking of all of you

[saltandpepper]

Hey @Former-Member sorry to barge on in here, but I wanted to let you know--if I haven't done so already--there is a site called HAVOCA which is solely for adult survivors  of child abuse. There's a forum section and chat feature and everyone I've spoken to on there has been amazing. Just a world of support waiting over there. It's not as active as this site, but the people there are just top notch.