Lived Experience Forum

[Mazarita]

@Appleblossom,

Good to hear your son was happy today. I like your angle on the change request - exploring different ways to express things. I'm glad to see you here too. 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Just had a look at the geo mandala site .. thanks .. gotta work on my sense of colour .. gonna hit the sack

[Jacques]

Hi @Appleblossom,

i am sorry you where triggered,  maybe we should get off the topic as a lot of the women on this site have had some terrible experiances and they have probably been triggered too.

yes it is a shame, i often wonder how awful it must be for my grandmother if she knew her ashes are out at the garbage tip, i have no where, no plaque or headstone to leave flowers, nothing, it is like she never existed.  i don't car about the "stuff" but i would love to have been allowed to have some photot's or documents, all i have is the fragments of information from my father before he died.

it is good you have soemthing to remember you father by, and you have it in such a prominant place in your home, so many people fight with their families, when i nthe end memories is all you are left with.

thankyou for speaking to me about your past struggles, i feel honoured you have felt comfortable enough to speak to me about it.

Take Care, i hope today is a better day.

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

Yes it is good to move to other topics but It was worth it @Jacques. I am too good at being diplomatic and am finally allowing myself to relax and be just me without coping masks.

Thanks

[PeppiPatty]

dearest @Appleblossom

Im just as suffering as you are. Absolutely love reading your messages. 

My family are not legal. Everything ive done ive done on my own back. I was married to a very loving man  but two years ago we broke up....70% the irresponsability of hospital  disorganization and 30% from his choices of how he wanted to live his life. His mother and my mum: were both continuously interfering in our lives. My husband was diagnosed with chronic paranoid schizophrenia at 19. 

He came back about 3 months ago. Hes quit alcohol and on the methodone program but.....,i feel like im grieving, but i just dont feel like being with him when we are together then he tells me what his mother is saying....

So theres the toxic relationship that you weite about to @Jacques that i had to endure but dont ever want in my life again. 

But then, we get along so well. This man with an iq of 150 and ......knows .

You also write ro @Jacques........'.......Cave in and underestimate the destruction caused to me personally.'

This, i couldnt have said it better myself but it wasnt my ex husband, its his mother. As he tries to manage and manage his life today....his mum comes in and infantizes him and crushes talk of me. Its very sad. 

This is my husbands choice. Sorry my ex husbands choice. 

And throwing more into the mix

Me managing my own self care.

Yes, there seems to be more and  more pathelogical children coming out of the woodwork. You are so right Mi increasing. 

My love and respect to you @Appleblossom

[Jacques]

Hi @PeppiPatty,

wow your words really touched a cord with me,  my parents had the same problem, both mothers interfearing in their relationship,  luckily for them they were stronger than the forces trying to pull them apart, mum, dad and me formed such a tight nit bond, i was sort of insulated from the turmoil,  mum and i where all the family dad cared about, and in the end, we where his world.

i am sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment and i hope my discussion with @Appleblossom has not upset you too much.

Thank you for sharing your story, it means a lot to me.

Take Care

Jacques

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Jacques

Isnt it strange. Im trying to write, that,....we are okay people. 

That me and @Appleblossom survived. 

That you and @hiddenite @lisajane @Ellie @Chris  etc 

Survived.

And also ive observed that we all have a gift and it's sensetivity.

You are so observant. Im sure all will agree. 

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for your post @PeppiPatty misunderstandings are so easy especially when we dont see or hear each other.

Posting at this forum has been very important to me as I have had a sense of entering a community just as me. 

Often I have had specific roles or jobs, family, or paid, and became "comfortable" in them, but it is important to be the whole me. I was terrified of all parties and had most difficulty with the mingling  thing where laughter or being relaxed about one's life were part of making the merry go round. I see myself with training wheels on .. so thank god for the moderators.

So I made a study of laughter and went to the library to learn about fashion ..

I must have mistaken the interest in law as a profession .. I hope it does not matter.

The thing about the lady at church happened just around my mother's death.  She is a nice lady but I figured that for people who dont have the sort of experiences we do .. it is hard to imagine.

One thing maybe I understand about you more .. when you mention the problem about interfering mothers and your exhusband .. is why you are accepting of the hands off approach with your own sons. Some women mess it up big time.

It is such a tricky line to find as a mother .. I tended to encourage independance in all 3 children ..  I believe it was essential to my survival so passed it on .. When my son was 16 he wanted to learn cooking, and I kissed him goodbye in my heart.  He was so excited to go live with his dad ... in a "bachelor pad" walking distance from the city. It only lasted 3 months.

I have been surprised that my son has opted to live with me for the last 6 years. I was worried it meant we might be co-dependant, or that it would turn like my brother, but I am very different to my mother.  Interdependence is necessary too ... ahh finding balance.

I do appreciate your warmth and humour very much .. I'm just a little delicato at times.

[PeppiPatty]

@Appleblossom

Dear apple blossom,

Yes this forum is important to me an  misunderstandings happen all the time but what got me to sit up straight was how you taught me an i taught you. 

so thanks. You have done something i dont think, no i havent ever experienced before. Jeepers one night of stress, not even that the................ night and the stars came up, dawn sprung up somewhere, might have been in the east, i forgot.....and we both learned something before the night even was half finished. 

It feels like you have seen silly attempts at other places to meet like minded

people but not succeeded because of terrible moderators/coordinaters/organisers. 

The sane forums seem to have opened up something in me. My dreams have become very brightly coloured and been feeling anxiety ridden so went back to visit my old Psychotherapist. 

I used to be able to interperet dreams but have forgotten....but in my dreams... i'm back  at the circus. Bright colours.

So, I've been reading about narcissistic mothers. I meet women and i want to rewrite my story i am waiting for a break to happen. Because everything feels so unfinished. 

 my sons are good enough, i have a feeling of not knowing about them but i feel okay. But wasnt i supposed to become happy or rich or something? 

I had this terrible accident hit by a car when walking across a crosswalk. Deep coma for 6 weeks 30 years ago. Brain damage. 

I was only interested in study and therapy to get better and i succeeded the best i could because i did.

@Appleblossom im just as delicate as you. 

Your lucky you can see growth in your son that you werent allowed to get.  It is a funny juggley balance thing isnt it?

I really love that you think im a lawyer but next time, can you imagine that my dad didnt steal my home and lm a wealthy philanthripist ? 

Spelt right? 

[Appleblossom]

Nah dahling its philanthropist. lol Spelling no longer matters anyway. The old focus on being correct has gone.

Sorry to hear about your coma. That is heavy. Did you have to relearn things?

I didnt think you were a lawyer exactly but that you spoke about family activism in changing laws.

I detached from computers for 10 years when I left ex. I was sick of his obssession with them. Then I went back and studied again and forced myself to go online. I have only tried one other online forum when I first got my laptop 2 years ago...which was awful...  My son thought it was hilarious and told me not to feed trolls. I am not on social media, but I like the access to knowledge and the idea of connectedness. I just stumbled on this website .. not referred. I also liked that it was in my home town.

Yes the moderators here do a good job.

Are you going to be moving house?