Supporting someone with ptsd

[S_25]

Hi. I’ve recently started dating someone with ptsd, who is experiencing daily flashbacks. They have really pulled away in the last few days and I’m really concerned. I want to support them without smothering them and pushing them away further, but I’m unsure of how to. Advice?

[Dreamy]

Hello @S_25 and welcome to the forums. Flashbacks can be hard to deal with both for the person having them and those supporting them. Have you been able to chat to your partner to see if they know what's helpful in those moments?

Some people find it helpful to have someone there with them to keep them grounded and present. Reassuring them that they are safe and being calm and relaxed while they are experiencing flashbacks, also encouraging slow breathing, trying to get them to focus on the 5 senses. 

This is just a few ideas of what may help but it's always dependent on the individual and what works for them. 

Happy to chat more if you like. You are not alone in this and we are here to support you while you support your partner 😊. 

[S_25]

Thank you for the advice. I haven’t actually asked them directly what they need in those moments but it’s something I will do. They are very withdrawn at the moment and I’m unsure if they will open up.

[Dreamy]

@S_25 if they aren't ready to talk don't take it personally, it can be very hard to open up about these things. I have flashbacks myself and I'm still learning how to manage them so not even I'm sure of what I need in those moments, It's very much trial and error. 

Just remember to take care of yourself aswell 😊

[Bow]

I would 100% ask them what they need in those moments @S_25  if I was them and my partner did this for me it would mean so much. Everyone is different and respond differently. And if they don’t know what they need or how they would like you to respond perhaps you could offer to help figure it out together? Do some research together? 

but helping them feel grounded and present is important and also helping them feel safe. Flashbacks can be really scary, like the trauma is happening all over again. 

good on you for wanting to help!

[Snowie]

Hi @S_25 

I have ptsd and go through stages where I have daily flashbacks. Personally, when I have flashback I struggle to engage with other people. I find I withdraw from people closet to me. Not because I don't think they would help, rather me not wanting to burden them with my problems.

I think one of the best things they have done for me is to just let me know that they are there if I need them. That they are there if I need to talk to someone or just sit with them.

I can totally understand not knowing what to do. It is a really hard position to be in, especially since people respond to having flashbacks in different ways.

I hope this helps a little.

[S_25]

Thank you. I appreciate your response

[S_25]

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your insight.