I don't really know where to start, but my parents have been really, well it's hard to explain. But, I always feel like I'm a disappointment to them, and whatever I do it's not enough.
My parents are very much old school. I've always been taught that crying does nothing, and being sad doesn't fix things. But I have anxiety, so when I have an anxiety attack they get mad at me and yell, and things just get worse.
(For some context, I'm an equestrian) Today, I tacked up my horse and I got on him and he immediately started pigrooting (Which is like bucking and tossing their head) so I got a bit anxious and my parents told me just to push through it.
So I got onto the arena and my horse was still being difficult, and then out of the blue, he reared up and started kicking out, so I almost fell off.
By that point, I had already let my anxiety get hold of me, so I just broke down, and my dad started yelling at me. He was saying things like, "get yourself together", "honestly, you're better than this", "this isn't you". Then, when I didn't immediately become all happy again, he started swearing at me, too. So, I asked him to leave, and he started swearing again, but he did leave, and I was able to keep riding and try and get my head cleared up.
When I finished and got back into the house after taking care of my horse, my dad told me, "Sometimes we use a bit of tough love and harsh things are said. It just helps you learn."
It's not the first time something like this has happened, and it's really affecting my already poor mental health. I'm pretty sure I'm right in thinking that kind of thing isn't ok, am I wrong? Or am I just overthinking it?
