Winter solstice

[Dimity]

Thought for @Appleblossom 

WILD GEESE
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

[Dimity]

@NatureLover yes nearly full circle to another winter solstice. 

Another lunch today, different people I haven't seen since Christmas. 

Did you have a good day? Hope you're easing out of your slump... and you feel like returning to work. Can anyone help you if there's too much backlog? 

Yes I try to start afresh from time to time. Not every day though. I wouldn't need to if I didn't fail so often. I've stalled again so it will have to be tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will be the start of something better. I'd like to set something in motion this week if possible. 

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for the poem @Dimity 

Hmmmm …. Bureaucrats have so much power….learning how to speak up assertively is not always easy….. take care

@NatureLover …lovely to see your support….

gently gently apple

[Dimity]

It's so cold.

[NatureLover]

@Dimity  I agree - so cold! It was minus 4.2 this morning at 7.30 😮 I'm finding this winter especially cold and have stopped going out for walks in the morning. 

Did your lunch on Monday go well? 

I managed to go to work on Monday and yes it was incredibly long and busy and I left still behind. No, I'm the only one who does the work I do, so I just have to catch up over the next few weeks. 

I know you set yourself very high standards, so I feel sad to think you consider it "failing".

In any case, you definitely turned things around with your 6 hours of tidying yesterday! 👏

[Dimity]

Well done for your effort at work @NatureLover .

Yes the Sunday lunch went well thanks.

I think it stayed above zero here but gosh it's been chilly.

I wish I had turned things around but there's little to show for the time I put in. I haven't even caught up on the last few weeks' inactivity yet. I've only done some basic chores the last couple of days so need to really make more of an effort. I'm angry and disappointed at my lack of progress. 

I reached out and asked for MH help, and for transition care around my ops, but so far nothing's suitable or available. The health system relies on informal carer supports else longterm NDIS or My Aged Care funding. If you don't have them there's nothing. 

I'll throw together some dinner then try to work out what to do next.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Dimity , I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself. I guess you're really feeling the pressure of your upcoming eye operation 😢

I'm wondering if you could post a new ad on the agency board, based around your upcoming operation(s) and worded differently? 

And how does one go about getting the My Aged Care funding? 

Sending wishes for you, my friend...❤️

[Dimity]

Thanks @NatureLover yes I am feeling the pressure.

I'm feeling very conflicted about getting agency help. There's one more person I could try. Otherwise, there seems to be someone on Airtasker I could ask for a quote.  But I'm not really sure what to expect from them. 

I need to be assessed for My Aged Care but don't expect to be eligible even if they can process the application in time. I enquired 2 or 3 weeks ago.

My sister is battling her own problems and needs help and I feel so inadequate.

It all feels pretty hopeless, and my efforts to reach out have been cringeworthy. I feel pretty worthless. 

Winter solstice tomorrow! Another low point. But at least the evenings will get lighter.

[NatureLover]

I'm glad there are 2 possibilities for a helper @Dimity ...I am sending wishes that one or both work out 🤞

It sounds like Aged Care haven't got back to you about an assessment? 

Yes, thank goodness we've reached the winter solstice with lighter days ahead. The gloom and darkness is horrible and I don't know how people in northern Scandinavia do it. 

I know the inadeqaute feeling. I'm sure you are there for moral support for your sister, even if you can't do practical support. Does she have any professional supports? 

---

@Dimity wrote:

It all feels pretty hopeless, and my efforts to reach out have been cringeworthy. I feel pretty worthless. 

---

This makes me sad to hear. I think you've done well in reaching out to several places for help. I'm sorry though that the help hasn't arrived yet...I guess that doesn't help with the worthless feeling 😣

You are not worthless to me. You are an attentive and thoughtful friend. ❤️

[Dimity]

Thanks @NatureLover . I didn't get a notification... I sometimes don't.

The agency person didn't get back to me. My Aged Care takes weeks to process updates, and someone said the enquiry should have come from my gp. 

My sister has a psychotherapist but has rejected other professional and allied health supports she definitely needs. She deserves NDIS but hasn't applied. Her situation is dire but authorities told me it's a lifestyle choice. I've tried to help but haven't done much lately other than financially.

I'm spiralling. The cat's not well either and his frequent caterwauling is upsetting. 

I was so touched by your message when I opened this thread. As I said, I wasn't notified. But thankyou.